A Girl in the World & the World in a Girl…

{May 1, 2010}   Is This Thing On?

Since this is Tiger Woods day, I wanted to write a note about humility and being “humble.”

Though I feel that since Tiger Woods is not in any branch of government & control over my life in any way (therefore his “transgressions” are not “press conference essential”-to me); the fact still remains that to discount his humility is irresponsible and not humble in and of the expectation itself.

The act of humility is merely an adjective where to be self-effacing, introspective, wretched & reflective is what it means to be humble-a lot of reveal is intertwined within all those definitions…

Just like that thin line between love & hate, everyone has their very own self-serving definition of the verb for humility’s meaning which is: the degradation, humiliation and lowering of self-respect FOR others approval…

The antonym (opposite) of being humble is: rich, wealthy, famous, high-ranking & aristocratic.
I do not think today he is being any of those things (today).

In today’s world, especially, people are way too quick to label you “not humble,” conceited, cold, pompous, arrogant (etc) if your self & life are not a finger-pointing, humiliating, tragic, knock-down drag out reality show at their judgment & disposal, or if you aren’t constantly quoting and speaking to humanity in ways [that they themselves] may not be consistently and sincerely putting to use…

In a day an age where nothing is sacred anymore and the lives of people are yours just for the flipping of the “on” button of a television or computer; people have this unrealistic and self-serving opinion of what it means to “humble yourself.”

Before reality television and computers, the mere act of publicly or privately being self-effacing, was what it meant to be humble or to humble oneself.

Now, because of reality television and computers (and all things not sacred anymore), the world feels that if you’re not standing in front of it-heart in hands, bleeding, begging for pity, mercy and acceptance and looking and acting pitiful, then you aren’t humble.

On the flip side of humility, if you are happy about something-then you are expected to say: “I am humbled,” after expressing your joy. To merely express joy and accomplishment and to not say: “I am humbled…” is practically an unforgiving act of pompousness, conceit, ungratefulness and arrogance (nowadays) when the truth is: people who really love you and merely share your joy-do not expect anything else outside of your being happy and filled with that joy.
Doesn’t that feel good?
Doesn’t it feel good to give and receive and be in the company of and surrounded by that kind of oscillating love? It’s most humbling…

People who really do not love you, are not happy for you and do not share your joy-unfortunately.
They demand a humble excuse and apology for your having the nerve to express your joy or accomplishment(s) because (in their eyes) you have no right to accomplish or simply be happy about anything-so you had better humblize yourself (apologize in the name of expressing humility: “I am humbled”)-after which, they’ll just deal with your happy-but they are no more happy for you than when you humblized yourself (for them)…
Some will even take it a step further and decide to dislike you and refuse to share your joy by claiming that [they did not hear or see you] give God the glory. That’s not about God-it’s about them-and their aversion to you because of their aversion of themselves. Because if it was merely about God-then he who believes in and has faith in God, trusts that God will handle you if you did not give God the glory.
That is what humble faith is.

People with no love for you (or themselves-I might add), can never be happy for or with you-no matter how you cut yourself open for them. People with no love for you can only be happy that they forced you to react out of your own fear of being labeled: ungodly, pompous, conceited, not humble, unthankful or ungrateful. Their joy and their happiness comes from your fear of isolation, shame and fear itself-never your happiness.

Never give that to them. Never give them that kind of power over you-for they are weak and weak hearted. Always know who you are and what your close personal relationship with your God is. Outside of the kindness that they extend to you for which you reciprocate…you owe them nothing else.

Put it in prospective. See it for what it really is-not from lenses of fear of isolation or shame.

People have a right to be happy without incident, excuse or explanation-without fear of spiritual or religious, social or emotional blackmail contempt and scorn.
And on the flip side of that, contrary to popular belief, people still have a right to want to hang on to a little bit of pride, a little bit of privacy, a little bit of self-respect and a little bit of dignity (regardless their transgressions or indiscretions)…

There is a stark raving difference between your expectation of someone and what that human being feels is safe and healthy for them to live with after the reveal is said and done.

Any act of humility (where to be self-effacing, introspective, wretched & reflective) is humbling in and of itself-because not even that is owed to you-for you are not God…

The fact that someone (who merely swings a stick to hit a ball) feels it necessary to call a press-conference could very well deemed “not humble” arrogant, or lordly; but to call that press conference & be self-effacing, wretched & reflective is humbling enough-for he owes no one outside of his God and his wife & kids.

Stop playing God, Judge & Jury. Stop being self-righteous.
Instead, be empathetic & compassionate where other people are concerned and what they are willing-(but most of all); comfortable revealing to you.
Simply: be human-which is what it means to be humble/to humble oneself.

When all is (literally) said and done, to truly be in receipt of one’s humility, to see, understand and really feel their true humbleness-you have to “experience” it-first hand, as anyone can write, say and speak of humility and being humbled (especially if they have something to gain from you).

Put it in perspective…
Think in four corners-stop poking at the middle.
Be rational and sensible about things where other people’s heart and person are concerned and as well, put what it means to be humble or what an act of humility is-in the proper perspective: selflessly…
Selflessly meaning: allow another person to gift to you what they are comfortably able to or willing to gift to you-without your pressing upon them your judgment of them because you do not feel that they have cut themselves open enough for you. How dare you?

“Acceptance” is the ultimate act of humility-even above and beyond he who has humbled himself or expressed that he is humbled.
Sure, some acts of humility are that which we divulge, but other acts of humility (as well) is the choice to digress, divert or to simply and subtly: ignore…rather than disrupt.
In addition to those choices being humble-they are also graceful. No harm. No foul-humbly accept it as that…

The most humbling and humane thing we can do either way is to: accept.
Accept people for who they are, who and what they are not, what they are, why they are, and whatever it is they are willing to [and not willing to] do, be or say.

Though no man is an island-each man is his own island… Never forget that.
You: be the peninsula. Surround them freely without expectation or judgment to pacify your own hang-ups, inadequacies and insecurities.
Let all that flows from you: your TRUE blessings, your TRUE sincerity and your TRUE love or do not surround them at all…

*in my Michael Jackson voice*
“I mean that with the best of l.o.v.e”
-Angela Sherice.

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