A Girl in the World & the World in a Girl…











{September 11, 2011}   Emergency 9.11


If you know or keep up with me, you know that formalities and gestures
(no matter how serious the matter or its intention); annoy me and crawl under
my skin more than anything in this world.
Because they are most often self-serving and are “THE” day at a “THE” time rather
than one CONSISTENT or GRADUAL day at “A” time.

Life goes on for the gesturer after the gesture.
Their [good deed and feeling] of saying: “I attempted,” “I suggested,”
and “I offered” almost always ends right there.

My thinking regarding formalities and gestures is as such:

Don’t serve me dinner or hand me a turkey at Thanksgiving and December
25th, when on February 5th I may need that same dinner and turkey. You will be no
where to be found. So hand me that turkey or serve me that dinner on Thanksgiving
or December 25th-on February 5th as well, or teach and show me to ways that I could
buy my and serve own.

We are all guilty of formalities and gestures on a public or personal scale
to varying degrees-with those we know personally, and as well, those we do not know personally.

It’s like that trite thing we do when we see someone from our past.
We take their phone number at the end of the conversation, knowing that we most
probably will not (or do not have much of a reason to call). But the formality
and gesture of the offer or exchange somehow smooths things along for us (or them).

For years, I have been so guilty of the doing the same thing. Until I recently
got comfortable with saying (and meaning): “Well, it was good seeing you and I
hope all is and continues to go well with you.”
(If I know in my heart
there is probably no need for me to offer or exchange contacts as a formality or gesture).

I do not like feeling that kind of “guilty.” So I gave up on that narcotic.

I refuse to spew my political rants on social forums unless I know
that I am on route to Capital Hill to stand next to people who are actively-on the daily-fight
to do something about all that I am ranting on Twitter about. That (to me) is counter-productive
and ignorant. Because it serves no one-not even the ranter.

That being said, if I cannot show you, teach you, serve you dinner and give you a turkey on
February 5th, I would rather decline to stroke my dutiful ego on Thanksgiving or Christmas
for the sake of saying: I did my part in something “ennobling” for that (literal) day.

If I cannot look you in the eye or you cannot look me in the eye and say: “I am offering/exchanging my contact with you because I really need to talk with you,” then I won’t suggest, exchange or offer.

As I mature and keep it real with this person that I have to lie down at night and wake
up in the morning to look at; formalities and gestures are no longer my style of clothing
for the day. Because people are serious about:
-their life
-their heart/love
-themselves
…(and all the subcategories that fall up under all three). Regardless the face and
fronts that they put on for the world.

Stop and take a look at the words and rhetoric around you.

For many, the way we socialize today only adds to the insecurities we already have.

Observe the words in your face everyday like: “unfriend,” “random,” “de-friend,” “unfollow,” “follow,” “verified,” “block,” “unblock,” “deny,” “accept,” etc.

Those are words to set the mind up to tell the heart of a person that they are somehow:
validated, inferior, liked, disliked, superior, subservient, domineering, rejected, favorite,
un-favorite, accepted, included, apart of, apart from, isolated or separated.

As I point to my temple, I say to you:
That is all a mind game-baby-built for the strongest (who not only can survive it);
but who knows the game. And how to deal it, play it, deal with it, wheel it, will it, and win it…

EVERYBODY’s got on their persona and pixilated suit in this life and social game of three-card
molly, no matter how “natural” or effortless it looks. EVERYBODY’s “The Wiz” in this thing-just
to varying high and low degrees.

No matter who, just pay attention to the insecure or grandiose, inferior, competitive,
combative, justified and unsure rhetoric of the people around you. Each and every person…
everybody (the from the movers and the shakers down to and through the stealers
and the takers) are pixilated behind some form of insecurity that they are fighting
tooth, QWERTY keypad and nail, not to fall into obscurity on.

With that being said, when you can, where you can: DO.
Do keep it real.

Let me give you a side bar note about something in relation to the moral and my reason for this blog.


Have you ever watched Joy Behar interview a person? (She’s the lady comedian who one of the host on
“The View” and she has a late evening show on HLN as well, where she interviews celebrities, politicians, etc).
To a lot of people, she’s annoying as all get out (from what I’ve seen, read and heard).
She “seems” negative, piercing, nosey, antagonizing and downright offensive and invasive
(to some people that I’ve seen her interview). But do you know what the “problem” is with her?
She makes people “accountable” for what other interviewers often times leave open-ended or unanswered.

Often times, these celebrities and politicians get on shows and say profound or delightful things
(that would actually be interesting to hear how they arrived at such a conclusion or premise).
But on her shows, she will ask: “so how so?” or “why?” or “when?” or “what made you say that?”

When they’re being truthful about their delight or profoundness; they can flow right
into answering the question. When they’re untruthful or were savvy in saying something to merely
fill a line in an interview; they get choked up. That has happened (with Joy’s interviews)
more often than not.

I’m always curious about human behavior, so like for a year or so, I was almost obsessed
with watching her interviews (plus she’s funny).

But people (like Joy) who ask questions, require more to conclude or believe [in] a thing etc., Or people who provoke thought or contemplation (like what I’m doing in this blog), look like rebel-rousers and negative troublemakers who are problematic and chaotic.

But that’s not always so. People like that are the minority (in today’s world) so
[to mostly the insincere and superficial people] they upset the “status” quo.
(Or to those people who are playing the Laws of Power mind-game and use it to the
letter and like a bible to make it through this social life we’re living). With any
book-you have to know how to take what you need from it and apply it per-situation/per-person
(sometimes) in order to not lose your “humanness” in all this “stuff” in the world.

The point that I am making however, is that-day by day, we are becoming such
a nation of superficial exhibitionists. And these forums that we socialize on, enable
us to have the platform to be so-where we otherwise would have none. So with that
“opportunity,” we are becoming top-notch exhibition opportunists (now more than ever).
All of us: me, you, the person next to you and so forth. We’ve all been guilty at some point.

We are very concerned now, more than ever, with what other people think of us and
how they “view” us. So much so, that we are overly concerned with what we say
than we are with what we dobehind, and after we say it.

We offer sentiments of empathy that mean nothing five minutes after we publicly declare it.
We quote quotes that we do not live by-suggesting to our audience how they should live
in order to be considered “humane,” or “right” in their daily lives.

When if [like the quote that gets me the most: “Be the change you wish to be in the
world
”] we really did be the change we wished to see in the world; do you really
realize how much better a place this world we be if we really followed with action;
the sincerity we put on display-what it is we quote and say for either: attention, sportsmanship,
tradition or notoriety?
Think about it.

That is why I almost never quote quotes. I just say what I feel-even if it sounds like a quote.
I try and move away from that because I’m guilty of the same inaction as well-like you are too.
We all are.

Yet, there are people (on foot) out there helping, fighting and defending rights of things that
we are too busy quoting and publicly proclaiming-to pretty up our walls. They are out there climbing walls.
And they are not soldiers-they are civilians who take active stances to make phone calls, gather
lists and go to make things happen about the stuff that we offer superficial empathy and condolences on-everyday.
We think the extent of defense and help starts and ends at our borders-and it doesn’t.

There are people who know and help orphaned families and children of the people that perished in the
tragedies that we publicly emphasize about. We haven’t a care about outside of “what happened,”
much less-how their loved ones are living-since (their tragedy).

In spirit, karma and from the empathetic heart; condolences, prayers and empathy are more enough-but
best served quietly from the sincere heart. But when we pretty up our walls, personas and images with
condolences and empathy; we forget that the cure (in addition to the prayers and well-wishes)
is one thing that we all can agree on: our time and our money. Time is money just
like we can offer our time or our money in making anything that is wrong-right. And we allknow that.

What good is offering condolences and empathy on a thing for the sake of not feeling shamed for
not acknowledging something that, (if we can) would best be served by doing something about?

During my own years of superficiality and saying stuff to add to my “persona,” I became more
comfortable with keeping it “all-me” and all “about me,” rather than publicly offering or saying
something that I couldn’t (or wasn’t) doing anything about-past the chair that I sat in, especially
when I knew it was because I didn’t want people to shame me for not acknowledging. But in not doing
anything about it, I felt just as fake. So I learned to do what works for my soul while
empathizing from my heart-to whom it may concern.

But that’s me.

Example.

In 2009, I was on the Global Grind website, and Kimora posted a traumatic video of
this lil’ fourteen/fifteen year old boy who was brutally beaten by the police. It was all caught on video
(close-up at that). I had never seen anything like it. The boy was unarmed, swollen, turning blue and bleeding
from places I never could image (while trying to breathe). It was like the two cops had gotten a taste of the
adrenaline of what a human kill and torture felt like-and they beat this poor little poor to a literal pulp,
as if they could feel pleasure in their own bodies.

I held onto my chest and breath after I watched the family and the onlookers responding to it all,
but low and behold, after reading Kimora’s post about it-I couldn’t hold my voice back. So I sent
her a hell of a “how dare you” letter. Because I felt like, how could she post this type of story
and interject the fact that the family was having a hard time getting it brought to justice
(because of their finances). Yet, she is not only wealthy-but she posted and published the story
on her website!

For me, it shouldn’t have stopped there. To me, to not step up to the plate (whether silently or publicly)
was less than acceptable. So I read her the riot act about it-right on her website (which was deleted-and
as a writer, I usually keep everything I write but I just went right in and replied-and my post will never
see the light of day again).

All that is fine and dandy and I would be remised if I didn’t mention that when I followed up on the story
later-she did step up to the plate and help out.

Whether or not she had plans to do it before the post or after my post-that’s neither here nor there.
What matters is that she did something about what she PUBLICLY claimed to have empathized about.
So I respect that-thoroughly.

I wasn’t picking on Kimora because she was a public figure and because she was wealthy. Little did she know,
I had the same kind of debate with my best friend in 2005 when the IVR political debate was a hot button issue.
She and I argued like cats and dogs on the phone about it and we hung up and didn’t speak for weeks about her
concern about it versus my issue, which was: “Why in the hell are you playing arm-chair quarterback from your
chair and screaming at the television when there are people in Washington doing something about it?
Yet you and I are sitting on the phone arguing the issue and neither one of us are standing on any steps in DC!”

It just made no sense.
Some things, no matter how serious the sentiment involved, make no sense to comment on where there is
something that can be done after the comment, formality or gesture.

It’s pretentious, in a way.

In closing my long-story long, I say this.

In this day and age of being self-conscious of how we are looking to and FOR other people, we still have to
keep it real-and allow our empathy and sincerity to match that, versus our personas and egos.

So I’m going to start with myself.

On this day of remembrance, even some ten whole years later, outside of
where I was and what I was doing when it happened; I cannot recite to
you ONE person’s name from the 9.11 tragedy (and you, reading this, probably cannot either-in the midst of
all of our formalities and gestures).

But there are people who can: those whom it directly affected.

Regardless the conspiracy theories, the fact still remains: some people died. That’s real.
And my sincere and heartfelt blessings go out to the families and friends of those that perished on
this tragic date tear-stained in the lids of all our eyes to have unfortunately seen.

On this 9.11 date, in addition to the empathy and condolences that we PUBLICLY express for
these families and surviving loved ones, we should also use the thoughts of this day to consider
the things going on in our own personal back and front yards-to the people in our own lives (living)
whom we are awaiting to offer our empathy and condolences at what? Their perishing? Their funerals?

If we can publicly offer it to people that we don’t know, then what about the people in our own lives
(we owe it to) to step up to the plate and do the same? Make our own wrongs-right-rather than at tragedy.


While in our heartfelt formalities and gestures of the day, make them even more meaningful by
really meaning what we say-going forward even after today, as we cherish our
own loved ones and good times in the lives we live now, the way that we do in times of tragedy;
when to whom it would concern, is no longer here.

Keep it real with them (and yourself) while they are still here-like it’s an emergency
nonetheless.

Be blessed.



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