A Girl in the World & the World in a Girl…

{September 26, 2012}   Rules for Life After 35

Earlier today, I saw a post from @OwnTv that read: “Rules for Life After 35” and the first thing I said (aloud) was: “Just LIVE dammit!”

But then as my day continued, as much as I tried to deny that I would even HAVE a “list”
of rules for myself, for living after age 35; I actually found out something about myself: I DO!

I’ll share:


1). Don’t look at the stairs as a nightmare literally (or metaphorically).

2). Whatever hair and makeup a woman does for herself to make herself feel beautiful
is fine (and her business). Consider the fact that any time a woman stepped out of the
house, she did the best that she could do for herself-for that moment, and in that time.
Do not ridicule other women-that’s an under 35 thing.

3). Let go of the: “Letters to my ___________ year-old self.”
As “deep” and poignant as we fancy them to be, whatever:
• Did happen
• Didn’t happen
• You wish had happened
• Wish never happened
…did contribute to the woman you are today. (And now). Be okay with that.
Your ___ year-old self cannot answer your adult-self back.
Besides, in some: form, shape, fashion, (or letter) somebody during your ___ year-old self’s
life and time someone did try and give you that same lesson. Remember? It’s just that back
then at that age, we did not have to capacity to listen and apply it-that comes with time, age and
experience.  Experience is a part of our growth. It is okay (and necessary) to reflect on it,
but writing a letter to it is not that deep or useful (now).

4). Gossip, female-to-female harassment, posse’ing up with the homies, and mean-spiritedness amongst,
and between other grown women is for young girls (and is bottom-barrel/extremely pathetic).
REAL divas (who by age 35-especially) should be in practice for carrying themselves with a
little bit more pride and class than that. You don’t have to make it a “sisterhood” but you don’t
have make it “hood” either.

5). Obsessive competing, jealousy, and envying other women is a pitiful, a terrible waste of your
self and time. It is a felonious case of voluntary spiritual suicide!

6). A six-pack, a no-pack/with nice obliques, or just a flat tummy; full-bared stomach days are over!
(as an outfit). It’s the equivalent of a sixty-year old man going through a midlife crisis-opting for
a sports car over a Cadillac. Sure, we love our small waists and flat stomachs, but 5-7 inches of
exposed bare tummy skin is desperate after 35. ½ or ¾ inch of tummy or less is still just as sexy.
Outside of that, wear whatever looks good on YOUR body and makes you feel

7). Tipping 20-30% is a necessity when dining out.

8). Decision over indecision.

9). Being diplomatic is a great (and necessary) quality. But honesty rules–and will forever be
respected (even if you’re hated for it). Be diplomatic to save time, headache, and
[for some business reasons] but never just to save face. That’s misleading and later
harmful to people.

10). Thoughtfulness will never age or be out of style.

11). A nude/clear/French/one-color manicure and pedicure is classy and “cute” too.
(Crud, 3-D designs, glitter, sparkles, multi-color, and Christmas-tree nails etc. are for young girls).

12). Plain, regular old hard, thick Vaseline (petroleum jelly) is your breasts, under-eye,
and face’s best friend (when applied at a specific time of day).

13). Don’t let the weekly hair-do appointment be priority over your health and refusal
to sweat it out sometimes.

14). Keeping up with the Joneses is the priority and concerns of teens and young adults.
By age 35, you definitely should have your own identity!

15). Thirty-five and older, and/or married, and/or kids is no excuse for
COMPLETELY letting yourself go! You, your husband, and/or your kids still need you around
(and in as good health as possible) right?

16). It’s okay to see that old friend/old boyfriend out and have conversation, share a hug,
and sincere sentiments and such. But skip the routine and formality of exchanging numbers
(when you know in your heart you probably won’t call or have anything to talk about past
whatever you talked about when bumping into one another-anyways!). Well-wishes and
“good seeing you” is okay to display, say, then go on your separate way. Don’t waste your
time (or theirs).

17). Valid or invalid, fair or unfair, there is always a good and especially “memorable”
reason why old friends or old boyfriends from your past are not in your now, or your future.
If that wasn’t the case, they would indeed be in your “now”-not in “passing,” or
“bumping into you” (online, the grocery store, or shopping mall).

18). Get out of the mindset and pressure of thinking that being matriculated into
needing/having a 401k is the only savings, investment strategy, and retirement option.

19). Your life is not over at 35 [and up]. A dream, hobby, education,
bucket list etc. has no expiration date (especially if you are more interested in personal
fulfillment rather than trying to keep up with the Joneses or other worldly “pressures.”)

20). Get it through your head and define for yourself what: Success,
Fame, and Wealth are. There are wealthy poor people just like there are poor-poor people.
Success is: (large or small) any goal that you planned, executed, and completed whether
it does or does not generate revenue! Self-work is, and always will be your greatest wealth,
asset, and investment! No amount of success, material wealth or worldly fame will ever
be able to pay for any self-work that you did not do on your way to it! The mental, emotional
(and physical) pain of working hard to make ends meet, yet, still can’t-is the equivalent
of having all the material wealth, success, and worldly fame yet, envying and being upset at not
being able to purchase things to better the self that really come free (had you done the work
beforehand). The only thing you can buy or build with material wealth without having done work
on self-are “things” and a “persona” (which to, is a “thing” nonetheless).
There’s “work to do” before you “get there.”

Get/be in practice for getting:

  • Your Mind
  • Your Heart
  • Your Priorities
  • Your Morals
  • Your Boundaries
  • Your Limits
  • Your Integrity
  • Your Soul
  • Your Spirit

…right before the money comes or you will be a danger to yourself and other people
who innocently cross your path!
Are you there yet?
Are you there yet?
Are you there yet?
Are you there yet?
Are you there yet?
Are you there yet?

Keep this thought in mind about worldy success, material wealth and/or fame:
After you are able to pay your bills on time and off (continously),
travel where you wish to (and at whim), eat all that [and where you’ve always/ever
wanted to eat], wear what you’ve always wanted to wear, have the sex that you’ve
always wanted to have etc., what next? What are you going to do with yourself?
Do you have a “self?” (that you love?) Don’t get rich and famous and be a danger
to yourself and other people! PLEASE!

21). As we mature-looks, and love is an important part of life to us all. Be considerate.
Don’t be the type of woman (who in passing, or while having conversation with another woman)
would see smeared lipstick or whipped-cream on the side of her mouth-send her on her way
and not tell her, yet, feel that another woman should have respect for the fact that you
are in a committed relationship and expect that she should have consideration to not
sleep with your man. The point is: Consideration is Consideration! (no matter the extent or extreme).

22). It’s okay to like nice or expensive things. But priorities are an order! If what you
“like” costs more than your rent or mortage payment, it’s okay to like it from afar
(or admire it upon other people who can afford it). If that be the case,
be content with knowing that you can at least point out the designer and the cost
of it (if it means that much to you-to retain that kind of “knowledge”).
Always know this and keep this FACT in mind:
People who can afford a pair of Loubou’s are not as impressed as people
who cannot afford them. Most often times (if you know you truly cannot afford stuff like that)
you are only “impressing” other people who too, cannot afford stuff like that.
So what sense does it make?
Prioritize and stay in your lane up to, and until.
It saves you from being preoccupied with unnecessary bullcrap that does not serve you,
or mean anything for growing you as a person (as does priorities).

23). Grown is always sexy.

24). Don’t allow weak emotions (over real, authentic conversation being had), to be your
first introduction to people and especially-other women. It’s a terrible thing to find
out later that it would have been nice (or beneficial to you) to know someone who you took
it upon yourself to treat badly, before getting to know them-only to find they do not wish to
be bothered with you-for any reason (beneficial to them, or otherwise). By age 35, we need
every solid, and positive relationship and experience that we can cultivate and share
(business or personal). Don’t blow it with weak emotions and silly bullshit that only makes
you look bad!

25). Don’t let the Internet/pixels make you “weird” and rob you of your people-skills.
By 35, we have to have essential people-skills that younger people are given passes and excuses
for not being responsible for not having. We lose our excuse after 35. It makes you look bad and
not worthy of the kind of respect [that by age 35] your presence should actually command.

26). Speaking of the Internet-it is how we communicate and connect today-we almost can’t
get around it. But understand what TRUE communicating and TRUE connecting really is.
I’ll explain it you:
Anyone who truly cares about you, and is truly interested in connecting with you-is front
and center with how they deal with you offline (and especially: Online).
• Sub-compliments
• Sub-“advice” etc.
…e.g-(chronic ways to call out to you-by using your verbiage, certain words you may use etc.)
in a status post (however-kind) is still not real true care in connecting and
communicating with you-personally (no matter how genuine it may seem). So don’t take (or consider)
stuff like that for you too personally. Honor it as coincidence.
Anybody who is truly interested in care or concern for you is front and center to directly
communicate or connect with you.
There is NO “mystery” where there is TRUTH.
There is no caution, circumstance, or situation that overrides any true care or concern for you!
At 35, you are not a child! That is how the youngsters “communicate” and “connect.”
Command your respect, and demand it of others who want you to, or feel you should respect them.
Other than that, mind your business and timeline, and allow them to mind theirs.
Honor and acknowledge niceties as coincidences.
It’s the healthy way.
Because again: There is NO “mystery” where there is TRUTH. And that bullshit will go on for years
if you allow or give audience to it.
Sometimes, for some people-that is the only “life” or connection to “the real world”
or people-they have.
So it can merely be an exercise or merely good for their online reputation or “look.”
So again-(seemingly) “caring” or “good”-don’t take personally what is not given to you “personally.”
If communicating and connecting with you is true-they will approach you personally.


“Mean/cruel/hateful” or “bad”-try and learn not to take it personally either.
If you feel it is-then be bold-approach it (personally).
At 35, giving audience to mean-spirited darts thrown at you confuses other people who share your
timeline with you. In the end, it’s not worth sub-responding (on your timeline). 99% of the
mean-spirited darts people throw at you is all because of them-how they’re feeling about themselves
and/or because of the way you choose to run your own program (not suiting their ego or place beneath
their foot). Consider the fact that 99% of the people who throw darts at you wouldn’t even know
where to begin to explain (to your face) their gripe if you gave them the opportunity or
invite. I assure you-they would only try and act like they have no idea what you are
talking about.
Quite frankly, that’s true, because the wrath and wrangles are only in their heads and hearts-where
they’ve got the 99 problems and choose to see you as 1 (threat and target)-not a damned thing you did
to them personally. That’s their problem-100% and 0% yours.
Live your life. At 35, it becomes a skill to learn to rise above silliness like that on the Internet.

27). Being true to yourself (no matter how painful to you, or someone else), is the
best gift you can give yourself. You sleep well at night and will always wake up on the right side of
the bed no matter what. The truth strenghtens you. Lies and dilusion pacify (and weaken you). Insist
on people (who mean you well) to always tell you the truth! Know YOU (to know who means you well).
Don’t meticulously “select” your truth for comfort’s sake. Select truth that you know in your heart
will strenghten you-that you know (in your heart of hearts) is something you need to hear, see, or know! 
Only you really know what’s true for you. All that seems harsh is not always bad anymore than
all that feels good is necessarily good for you. You have to know you to be able to
decipher the difference

28). Your happiness is in YOUR hands, and by way of YOUR design, decision, plan(s).

29). You do not have to be educated to be able to understand and apply simple logic, sense,
and sensibility.
Those qualities are necessary-and that, by age 35; you should have already possess.
As an adult, do not fall back into “kid mode” by preparing and being ready to point the finger
out that “someone is judging” [you]-and who does not know you personally, and therefore-does not
know your personal situation or circumstance!

If you see a man juggling a red apple, a yellow-banana, and a white orange; chances are, that
white orange will grab your attention.
It was something about that white orange that made you think, contemplate or consider.
The same is true with other people’s (mere) opinions or conversations or whatnot.
You cannot and will not be affected (or stop, consider, or contemplate) what does NOT apply to
you and therefore, did not grab your attention to make you react (negatively or otherwise).
Pay attention to your own emotions.
If any particular thing not aimed at you and you know for a fact-that person has no knowledge
of your personal thoughts, feelings, or experiences
-if they say something that strikes a chord
in you; that is your sign that there is some unresolved issue or thing that needs to be dealt with,
worked on, or let go of.
Don’t shoot the juggler, or the messenger-thank them! You know that you know the difference from
somebody trying to purposely hurt you (or not).
Don’t not own up to what is calling out to you by carrying a big knife around for other
people in the world around you have may have ironic opinions and conversations!
Sometimes your own “friends” and people who DO know you, your circumstance and situation-won’t
help or tell you!
Some irony, people, opinions, and coincedences are the only guardian angels you will get in your
life around you.

30). You can never have enough “friends” that you can afford to lose one (real) friend.


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