A Girl in the World & the World in a Girl…

{June 16, 2013}   Father, Dad’s and Men.

Outside of a select few of every other friend…women have NO empathy and understanding for, and towards one another (especially around men, and openly across the Internet and in public/other social settings).

Ladies, stop being so hateful and purposely trying to impress these dudes on the Internet [like the armchair quarterbacking of (some) of your all-of-sudden ballgame interests], by tossing “bitter” women around on Father’s Day–for expressing their displeasure of the deadbeat dad’s in their kid’s lives (or their own dad’s in their own lives).

UNFORTUNATELY, some women DO have that experience and too, ARE on double-duty for life (raising their kids, or having gone through life without a dad in theirs). Have some empathy and try to understand THAT, and the fact that those women may very well get over the neglectful dad, but as a woman of single parent; the hurt of the fact that the father is living, breathing and walking this earth is something they have to work through DAILY-the world outside their door already won’t allow them to wallow in self-pity, so they don’t need your opressing them in an effort to impress these dudes out here that you’re trying to seem “live,” and “cool” for.


Most shameful, are some of you same girls who (on this very same Internet) have broadcasted your OWN personal domestic situations and the fact that your OWN child’s father too-want nothing to do with your child yet, you think you’re being Internet- cute, dissing women (in front of these dudes). Are you serious?

Second ‘shame on you’ award goes out to the woman with NO kids, or having never experienced it-speaking so uncaring and harshly about something you know nothing ABOUT. You will never understand the plight of a single-parent woman and what goes through her heart and mind when she places her hand under the chin of her child’s while trying to hold her own up-never…

I’m going to shorten this PSA by offering this lesson to take with you: http://bit.ly/13RvmZH but ladies, let me close by saying this (because we ALL have experienced this thing one time or another in life, no matter HOW evolved we may now be): The next time YOU or another female close to you is crying, moody, agitated, hurt, pulling pant legs, getting ignored, rejected etc. by that dude she loves and wants that doesn’t want her BACK, (and although this isn’t the sole reason)… take a look at the examples men are getting of a WOMAN’S WORTHINESS and WORTH, based on how YOU devalue other women right in front of their faces…

“The Streets AND Tweets ‘is’ watchin.’ ” …for any man who hasn’t selected his wife yet; all that devaluing gets played on their subconscious. And in the dating game, all a woman needs is one minus in her corner with him and he falls right back on his subconscious and conjures up from that mixture; a thousand reasons why ‘she aint shit,’ and unworthy, not just of him-but of not even being treated well and respected, sometimes [for some women].

P.s- If ever you want to pump your chest and prowess by calling yourself “thinking like a man” think about this: MEN, have too much pride to shit on other men around women, unlike, and in ways [that women have no self-control in doing] around THEM.

Unfortunately, as a man himself, Steve Harvey only has the capacity to give you a man’s reaction to you/a woman, that (as a man himself); he thinks the biggest quest in a woman’s life is bagging a man and getting a ring. Not his fault in thinking that, he’s just telling it like a man would from his SUBCONSCIOUS by way of experiencing and watching all these women out here doing and saying anything they can in a fight for men’s attention, affection, love, or commitment-stepping on other women in the process. Think like a man and stop yourself right in that moment. You’ll make yourself look better (and like a LADY) in the process…

Instead of seeing other women as being in your way, do know that until you make peace with seeing diamonds in other women (no matter how flawed), you will never get out of your OWN way TO BE SEEN by a diamond kind of man. You (yourself) will only keep finding yourself with men who habitually take up with women from out their subconscious…

Keep it cute by being understanding ladies.

Keep it cute. Boys become men who become husbands and fathers, or deadbeat men and dads. Often times, it’s not always ALL their fault…


{January 2, 2013}   Swinging, Sex, Soul-Ties & Lives

The title of the blog screamed out at me…It was about a threesome that a woman had, that ruined her life.
Man and Two Women in Bed Together
As a person who has quite an opinion about sex and especially subjects like
swinging and threesomes and such, I merely yawned and placed my fingers on the
A-S-D-F and J-K-L keys and began to read the blog-prepared to respond.
But some ways into it, my hands backed off my keys because thisparticular
subject about a threesome had such a strange twist to it that it felt like the
tips of my fingers got burned.

To summarize what it was about, a woman wrote in to the site to ask her for
advice about she and her fiancé making a decision to spice it up in the bedroom
by inviting another woman to join in the festivities.
Well, the woman selected another woman with whom she had a [previous] coworker
relationship with and eventually the three of them “got it poppin.’”

The details of the threesome were that it was awesome, everybody had a great time
and it was pretty much better than expected.

Thumbs up.


The twist was that the invited guest called with news of another unexpected
guest that would be apart of all their lives: she conceived.
With this news, the soon-to-be wife is a bit taken aback because the fiancé has an
“oh well” attitude about it and doesn’t seem to be as upset about it [as she is].
What this trio plans to do about this baby is not what the subject of what this
blog is about so I’ll end the details of all that-right there, so that I can get to the
point of this blog.

I write about situations like this in a book that I am writing, in the last chapter called
The Secret To Him Not Cheating On You & Making it Last Happily Ever After,”
where in it-I go into some pretty explicit and atypical details about what I strongly
feel is the “remedy” for infidelity and keeping the sex in the relationship spicy.
Spicy with a kind of variety that plays on the male mind such that, if practiced enough,
it will make cheating an “awkward” thing because (unlike) in regular “cheating,” the thrill
is that it’s done in private and the wife or fiancé does not know.

threesomeBut with my method, whether the cheating was already done
(or better if spearheaded at the thought of), my suggestion is that the couple “feast”
off the other person with whom the cheating was done with or was about to happen with.
And by “feasting” I blatantly mean, bring her (or him) into the bedroom and share him (or her)
in between the two of you during foreplay or during actual sex. And too, if during your pillow-talk
and closeness, you, (or he) reveal (or discover) that there’s a little sexual spark lit somewhere
deep for the others old flame, feasting on that (too) will put that fire out
(how so, we’ll explain shortly).

This “feasting” exercise is so atypical and mental that it could very well bring out all
kinds of emotions between the two of you that [sexually and emotionally] you probably
didn’t even know was there (or had it in you to be brought out in you in this way).

In this remedy that I invented (and swear by) called RPC: Reverse Psychology Cheating
(how it came about is detailed in the chapter as well) but, it is such that in order
for it to work, the woman has to be strong enough to be able to handle the exercises
that I suggest, and the man has to be willing to share (his mind) with his woman.
And vice versa.
We’ll get back to that shortly.

But back to the subject of this blog.

My thinking about SEX is this:
When we have sex with people, we create “Soul Ties” with them regardless if it
was relationship or even a one-stand stand.

The emotional or mental aspect (or lack thereof) involved in the act of having sex
is not so much the “Soul Tie” as is the fact that–of this entire universe and the
billions of people in it, you and one other person have shared with one another;
apart of yourselves that billions of other people in the universe have not
(with one another).

So a “Soul Tie” has been created at a different level of connecting (our spiritual centers)
than we all are connected (together) in this universe. Our “spiritual centers” are the private
parts of us that responsible for making (penis) and giving life (vagina).

No matter the attachment, we connect with a kiss because the power of life and death too,
is in the tongue.

So no matter the degree of emotion or attachment (or not), “billions” of people are not going
to be able to kiss you or have sex with you, and billions of people are not going to be able
to kiss and have sex with that other person, but some one (or however many) did.
But it certainly will not ever be billions.
That is your soul/spiritual “tie” (connection).

Having said that, when we are in a relationship by which (to both our understandings) we are in
one of monogamy, the fact is: a bond is/has been created. As we consummate, we often times contemplate
various ways that we can keep the intimacy such that our lover will be fulfilled enough so as to not
step out of the relationship (and break the bond).

What happens is, some couples (whether they want to admit it or not) get bored-intimately.
And the intimacy becomes routine, to sometimes dull and done out of habit or duty [so as to “show up”
in the relationship and let that role serve as our “expression” in the understanding and agreeing that
“I too, am apart of this relationship.” ]

Sometimes, when we get bored (and give it a fancy name called “adventurous”), we like to try
kinky and unusual things. But when those things involve inviting another spirit into the bedroom
(with our bond), we’ve given an invite to create a Soul-Tie (unnecessarily).
And that’s when “spirits” awaken.

When a bond is created, although threesomes (and swinging) can be sexually exciting (while in the act),
those ties mixed with that bond create an energy of some kind.

If a man allows another man to have sex with his woman, or the woman allows (or joins in) on another
woman having sex with her man; the two people by which the bond has been created will indeed carry
thoughts in their minds that they may (or may not) discuss with one another (that’s neither here nor
there-as it pertains to what this blog is about, so we’ll leave it at the fact that an “energy” is
created—and we’ll move along)…


Moving right along.

As a woman (in a relationship with a man), we have to understand that men are different species when
it comes to sex. A man’s “same difference” in comparison to women’s “same difference” with regard to sex,
is about as close a “same difference” as the male-female understanding about relationships is: We can come
together, but our coming together is from two different perspectives and understanding
(but we can still come together).

I said that to say this.

Because men are “different,” there are some things that (while in a relationship with a man) your
man should not be exposed to (with you). When it comes to sex, love, intimacy and all things involving sex;
with a man, it’s on a kind of “person-to-person basis,” like their minds seem to work in flashes or like
the flickering of a light going on and off. And each ‘off’ and ‘on’ is representative of a different person,
a different situation, and a different circumstance.

You have to catch that light on-and leave it on: for you.
You have to make sure that all things that go on in the dark (when the light is out) is too,
with you-isolate his thoughts and thinking, and feeling.

Men are funny creatures that vascilate like off and on switches.
A man can be in a relationship with a woman for years and the two of them may
(or may not) have ever talked about swinging or having a threesome-yet, he may have experienced swinging
or having a threesome with the relationship before her. All this time, your relationship is what it was,
but when he asks to be, or you turn him on to that (although he may have experienced before); you are
turning him on (all over again) to something “new” (all over again). And that is when it comes down to
Soul-Ties -v- Bonds…it may change your whole relationship around for the worse, not so good, or the demise
of it altogether. But it’s almost delusional to think “it makes your relationship better.”

The truth of the matter is if bringing another Soul-Tie into your Bond makes your relationship is “better”
that because of [inviting that in] chances are; you really don’t have a “bond” already
(a mental + emotional + physical + communicative connection).

In the nature of cheating:the desire behind cheating is not so much in the cheating as the cheating is
(itself) a secret.
But that doesn’t mean that inviting another spirit in between your two spiritual
centers is a cure for it.

threesome_1347019655_460x460You can’t turn a man on to certain things (and “everything”) in an effort to spice up your love life,
especially when they involve introducing other people, spirits, and physical entities into the mix.

When you wake up something in a man (sexually) it has to keep going.
While trying to stimulate his desires and meet his needs, the thing is, you the WOMAN, you have to
decide if that “thing” is something that’s healthy for the energy of your bond (or relationship),
and you know in your heart of hearts is sure not to backfire or cause tension or a riff later on…

No matter how much a man might love you or care for you, when you turn his light on to certain things
(for hispleasure), he’s not going to stop to consider the negative effects of the possible “later.”

The problem with us women is that after we’ve done every position and cleaned out the entire book of
Kamasutra, stood on our heads, had sex in elevators, sex on the copy machine at work after everyone’s left,
and other unusual places; we are constantly trying to think of ways to satisfy him as if he is some kind of
animal that’s going to run off into the wild if we don’t get it cracking.

389700_3992578942156_1815036763_n Now let’s not get it twisted, wedo have to keep it “poppin,’” but the other fact of the matter is—he is
NOT an animal, he is a man.
Don’t let that picture of Darwin’s Theory of Evolution fool you and play on your head…

We are human but we are not animals.

The difference between animals and human beings is that animals are instinctive (as are humans) but they do
not have intuition, or thrive in a kingdom where their outward sexual behavior is met with shame or scorn when
they see a potential mate, hop up on her (in front of every other animal in the wild) does his business, and flees.

We human beings live in a society (kingdom) where our sexual behaviors are dictated by the shame, scorn of other
intuitive persons like us. So we are guided by either: moral, personal, or religious compasses + our intuition,
conscience (and discretion).

Outside of their choice of species for mating, animals are indiscreet, and indiscriminate.
They do not “master” themselves for anything other than survival. They are sexual creatures (like us),
but they do not have “desires” (like us) so they simply survive…they don’t “think” indiscriminately. Period.

We human beings live in a society (kingdom) where our sexual behaviors are dictated by the shame, scorn of other
intuitive persons like us. So we are guided by either moral, personal, or religious compasses, and our conscience
(and intuition).

Animals do not “master” themselves. They are sexual creature like us, but they do not have desires like us so
they survive. Period.

We (humans) are equipped with the tools to master ourselves (and our desires). And we become “beasts” [slang] we do.

The strongest we will ever be is when we master certain desires with discipline and self control aided by our
consciously being on top of a thing.

When we exercise discipline in eating well, and master that-THE RESULT IS: We lose weight or maintain good “heart” health.

When we exercise, and become disciplined in doing so; THE RESULT IS: We become fit.

So when it comes to those things that feed our desires like sex, money, food etc., when we become masters of what it
is we will (and will not do) to do/have/obtain those things;THE RESULT IS: We become masters of ourselves.

The fact of the matter about monogamy is that it is a decision: A conscious decision requiring constant self-discipline
and self-control (just like the exercise and eating well example I just gave). When we consistently make a conscious
decision to be monogamous-THE RESULT IS: We maintain a healthy, thriving, blossoming relationship.

As a woman, in a relationship and bond (a mental + emotional + physical + communicative connection) with a man,
you have to be very aware that because men are differentthey will indeed have a plethora of desires.
But you have to find a way to CONTAIN and sequester those desires, ownthem-take control of them so that
they may be used a fuel for the desire between the two of you (rather than acted upon outside the relationship).
By your openness and his willingness share those desires with you whether it be in conversation at dinner or pillow talk,
but especially during foreplay and during sex(as explained here); THE RESULT IS:
The secrecy involved in cheating (which fuels the act) suffocates.
Although the secrecy involved in his entertaining the thoughts turned desires get intercepted,
it still allows his desires to run free however, they become contained, shared, and feasted on
between no one but the two of you…

And as this is practiced (exercised) THE RESULT IS it not only brings you closer
(intimately, mentally, emotionally, and physically); anything outside of [what you are in practice “containing”]
feels foreign feels foreign, it’s not as easy to infiltrate-not even in his head and while away from you, because
with enough practice; he’ll be conditioned to bring whatever it was (that met his eyes and entered his head)
home to you-for the two of you to (sexually) “feast” on, without whole other body disrupting your
house, home and flow.

Secrecy + what’s kept in the head is what typically fuels desire, but when you share it, it becomes fuel for the two of you.

And just like somebody who finally gets it right (e.g eating right and exercise) it becomes a “lifestyle” change for them.
A monogamous and sexually fulfilling relationship between two people; if exercised enough can too,
make the relationship “swing” by a pendulum atypical that, AS A RESULT: Becomes a lifestyle.


{December 12, 2012}   Present.

BHow To Be A Present To Yourself: Make Future-Tense, The “Present.”

thinking2For clarity, sometimes you have to use the past-tense in place of the present-tense
by asking (then answering) yourself this question (even before the thought or act):
“WAS it worth it?”

If the answer (before the thought or act) is “Yes,” then that’s your sign that your
move (the act or thought) is the right one.
If it’s “No,” then save yourself the
unnecessary trouble.

So before you even think it, or do it…WAS it worth it?

Now open your present and be open to it.present
(Or return it).



{December 10, 2012}   Grown & Sexy (Organically).

Something caught my eye today and if you know me,
if something tugs at me having
anything to do with the human condition or experience,
then I can’t help but speak on it.
So I’ll speak, after you read this passage that I read (today):

The war on men through the degradation of woman. How is man to recognize his full self, his full power
through the eye’s of an incomplete woman? The woman who has been stripped of Goddess recognition and diminished to a
big ass and full breast for physical comfort only. The woman who has been silenced so she may forget her spiritual essence
because her words stir too much thought outside of the pleasure space. The woman who has been diminished to covering all that
rots inside of her with weaves and red bottom shoes
. I am sure the men, who restructured our societies from cultures
that honored woman, had no idea of the outcome. They had no idea that eventually, even men would render themselves empty and
longing for meaning, depth and connection. There is a deep sadness when I witness a man that can’t recognize the emptiness he
feels when he objectifies himself as a bank and truly believes he can buy love with things and status. It is painful to witness
the betrayal when a woman takes him up on that offer. He doesn’t recognize that the creation of a half woman has contributed to
his repressed anger and frustration of feeling he is not enough. He then may love no woman or keep many half women as his prize.
He doesn’t recognize that it’s his submersion in the imbalanced warrior culture, where violence is the means of getting respect
and power, as the reason he can break the face of the woman who bore him four children. When woman is lost, so is man. The truth is,
woman is the window to a man’s heart and a man’s heart is the gateway to his soul. Power and control will NEVER out weigh love.
May we all find our way.


“Amen” is what I said, and intended to stop there because
the message spoke volumes. But as I almost
logged off, my heart compelled me to speak to.
And from that beckoning echo, I felt like the message was so
imperative, that I needed to post it here too (on my blog).

You see…after I said “Amen,” I was just going to throw my hand in
the air like I was testifying…then log off with the words:
“Enough said” dancing in my mind-because she said so much in that
one paragraphs (that I highlighted in bold) yet, it’s so much
more…because it’s so much more than [even what SHE said] that
goes along WITH [what she said].

(I hope that came out right).

That passage happened to have been written by Jada Pinkett-Smith.

I could appreciate (and believe) those words coming from her
because I know that her eyes can see [and therefore-speak] on
the way that we love today…(well-the way many of us THINK we are loving)
living, and calling ourselves being “whole,” when in the depths and truths
of it all, many of us are not.
But it’s not entirely all our fault.
We have a good excuse yet, we have no idea that-that excuse is exactly
what excuses us from the table of true love, real self-love, and the ability
to make and cultivate true connecting and have true love.

So when I say:
“yet, it’s so much more…because it’s so much more than [even what SHE said]
that goes along WITH [what she said]…”
…I mean that, when coming from Jada’s era (growing up-teen, young adult, and adult),
the way that ‘socializing’ was, the way that ‘love’ was, the way that ‘life’
just—was…(regardless how rebellious you may have been)…being apart of that era in life
instilled a different kind of respect for, and knowledge of what real love was versus is
(now)-and with a special kind of understanding that real love could never be so, without
truly being a whole person/individual (first). Yet, it’s so masked by the superficiality
of how we think, how are programmed, and how we live today—in ways and styles that if you
did not come from an era (like Jada’s–when it was “organic”); it’s almost no hope.

You can see it. You can feel it. It’s a texture.
Like: “Invisibility”-if invisible was a texture.
It’s like something that you touch and it just dissolves,
versus from an “organic” era-the texture is like: Silk, Corduroy or even Teflon.
(That’s the best way I can give you a visual…to feel what it is I’m saying).

So a woman from Jada’s eyes…looking at the world and raising kids (both sexes)
up in the middle of the EXACT same thing that she is talking about in her post;
being in the center of those two differences (the “organic” versus the now), I can only
IMAGINE…how it does a number on her mind every single day.

Last year sometime, I wrote another blog
(a short story) similar to the plight of this blog-you might wanna take a look at it

You see, I’ve had these types of conversations with females
(and males) who unfortunately do NOT come from those “organic” moments in time of life and love.
And to be truthful, by the end of the conversation; I could only yawn in pity and sadness just to
know that to truly get a feel for the touch of love is something that will have to be “taught”
(especially when as of 2012-if they are under twenty-five). But my considering how we are
programmed today-rather than throwing in the towel altogether on there being any hope of
them ever being able to experience what that organic life and love is like, at the end of
conversation, the only advice I could offer was to tell them to just—make it their business
to make a friend who too, understands and are much apart of, and migrating in the culture
and subculture today; but who-as well, comes from an organic moment in time. Where love is
concerned, they can slow you down some: sensitize you where you are much too desensitized.
Reprogram your mind, and teach you something-first-about yourself, and then life…so that you
can then understand what true love really is all about–how to give it and how to receive it.
Get close to somebody who, not so much that gets you to thinking, but somebody who can get you
to “feeling”…how to “feel” with your mind, and your heart (before your body). Because if you’re
only working off of what we have to work with today, you’re going to miss what it is that’s really
essential to float your boat…

Hopefully, Jada’s post-atop the line (and what I am saying in this blog) can get you to what it is
that I [and I am sure-what she] was trying to say, because it really is more to it.
I am a writer who feels her plight in what she’s saying. And I can tell she wrote a “light” version of
a much deeper conversation. So I piggybacked off that intent for this blog. But keep in mind that I do
go over this subject in a section of a chapter (in unapologetic detail) in my book in Gem #11.
You can read the segue to the chapter by merely clicking this link.

But back to this blog. In keeping it “light,” or straight at it (the way you will read when you buy the book),
the bottom line is-the lesson is essential however it’s delivered to you, because we need love to live like
we need “life” to thrive. But we are not really blossoming like we really should/could be, because love and life
is an entirely different kind of experience when it’s organic and from the root-the DIRT root.
Everything we do now, everything that we are about, and all that matters to us is
right now is within instantly gratifying reach and disposal—it’s superficial at best-all on the surface.
That includes how we connect-which liters into how we are “loving” (or think we are loving).
Hell, we can’t even perform a duty or extend a nicety without going online and telling the world our
good deed for the say. Even our true sense of empathy and caring is questionable.
Our narcissism and in authenticity is at an all-time low, and we have to be conscious of it
(if what we truly want is what’s authentic, organic, and real)…

And so my opinion about Jada and Will (and all these up and down rumors flying around 1279829231-will_smith_and_jada_pinkett
about them getting divorced, yes, no, maybe, etc.)…this is something that I’ve always
thought about them (when the rumors fly): “I know they’ve got to be tired of each
other, and I know they probably have done all there is to do and at this point, are probably
like: ‘look… the kids are no longer babies. Let’s close the curtains on this relationship’.”

But then after reading her post (atop), that’s the heart, mind and the “way” of a woman who
comes from that organic time and moment of true life and love (as does Will), which brings
me back to my point.

When it comes down to life and love, they KNOW better.
And in “knowing” better, they both know what’s up–the differences in the desensitization
of love now, versus the sensitivity of then. They BOTH know what’s up if they split…
The organically grown and sexy know that jumping ship into this “now” is a no-bet
and is definitely no better.

They BOTH know the “matrix” of life and love we are living in right now as compared to
when they were both were coming up. And because they DO know the difference,
their advantage is that they know how to work past superficial (and major) differences,
and are a little more patient with working out the kinks and imperfections than the average
young couple of today’s era don’t have an understanding of.
All the tools people of today have to work with are all the things that keep them away from
experiencing wholeness (and oneness with themselves), and what REAL love is truly all about.

That main thread that I’m willing to bet that’s holding them together is the “knowing”: knowing
that difference between being apart of the “then” and the “now.”
When you have that advantage; you can win in this game of life and love.
But when you DON’T have that advantage, unfortunately, you can be like this invisible,
hollow piece of being that’s running around here thinking you are whole, but in truth and
reality; merely being bombarded, pressured, hoodwinked, bamboozled and run amok by all the
wrong or insubstantial and insignificant things that when all is said, done, and misunderstood;
leave us with no understanding of what truly being whole is-before calling ourselves becoming one.
And so our repeated, thin cycles of invisibility:
And ends.
And begins.
And ends.
And begins.

…And so many of us are walking around wounded-jaded and wearing masks and cover-ups
(like she explained in that passage up top). That’s real. That’s really real.
We just don’t see it.

But open your eyes, your mind, and your heart to this one fact:
When you are REALLY whole, and when you REALLY know love; your eyes see life and “love”
(now-today) in a different way. It’s like going through a tye-died vertigo of an experience,
but without being dizzy. And you can easily spot and point out the people who aren’t and don’t
[know love]—love of self and how to truly connect and give love, live love, and be love] with
others “organically.”

It’s no judgment.
It’s just that they know love, Love. And if you’re desensitized and programmed, the good news is-they can show and tell you, and you can do the same for someone else.


In the land of [hetero] sexual intimate relations, for a single woman,
whether to (or not to) perform fellatio on a man (“give him head”) is a
dilemma that she is sure to have fought countless voices in her head
about-if she should take the plunge or just sit on it.

For the single woman, especially if she is not wantonly promiscuous and
indiscretion is not her thing, still, she can find her (non promiscuous)
self in some pretty compromising situations (and positions) during her
quest for love and relationship. And for that woman, the
voices in HER head will always yell out these warnings:
• He’s going to think you’re a whore!
• He’s going to tell all his friends (and everybody!)
• He’s not going to call you tomorrow!
• He’s going to be afraid to kiss you after you do it!
• He’s going to always wonder how many other men you did this to!
• A moment on the lips is a lifetime on the list!
• You’ll never live this down girl! Don’t do it!

…low and behold if you swallow him, or give him head without a condom on,
those voices in your head are turned up ten octaves-screaming like a
banshee at you while you are wrapped into the comfort of his (seemingly)
caring arms. Manhood and ego inflated from the feel of your body trembling
from his caress having no idea that a great majority of your feminine tremble
and moans come from fighting with the voices in your head doing everything
you can to justify why taking the plunge won’t be so bad and to assure
Voice Number [whatever] that this one’s here for the long haul-so giving him
head can only make things better for the night, for him and for the forever.
So you quiet the voices by reckoning:
I promise Voice, I promise Voice. This’ll be the last of the 3, or 5 or 10,
dicks I will ever have to suck. I promise you that this man whose arms I am wrapped
in-really loves me. It’ll make things better. Trust me Voice-trust me on this!
Run along now. Run along, already. Skidaddle! Skidickle

After rationalizing and forcing your head reckon with your decision, you crank up
the volume (and intensity). Alas! The bass guitar strings scream with Pat Benatar
belting: “Hit Me With Your Best Shot-Fire Awaaaaaaay” begin to drown out
those annoying voices in your head-and you now bow down to reckon with his head [below].
In the unfortunate event you did not let your love adorn his penis with the proper prophylactics
and the fact that you’ve already gone under; the voices in your head have nothing else to
say to you. This time,
his voices from HIS head‘s head says to him:
• Ooh is she going to swallow?
• Ooh is she going to go the distance?
• Ooh is it going to be that good ’til the point where I don’t even have to, or
forget to fuck her (or fuck her again-some more)?
• If she doesn’t go the distance, what is she going to do with it if she doesn’t
swallow though? That means I’ll have to stop and fuck her.
Damn! (or: “Good!”)

Notice the difference between what goes through a woman’s mind versus what goes through a
man’s head regarding ‘head.’

In full detail, I make mention of these facts in a book I wrote called:
Doing It: Mind-Blowing Sex Tips You Will Never Forget (The Fine Art of Intimate Sex):

With regard to sex, there is something important that we just have to understand
(and reckon with). There is power in the penis (as is there being power in a
woman’s vagina)-spiritual power.

A woman’s vagina is the “spiritual center” of her entire (physical) body.
She is anatomically built to breed life by way of the same opening that a man
is built to penetrate. So whether or not he performs cunniligus on her/give her
head, because of the fact that he can take his “power” [slash] “spiritual center”
and enter hers; creates a spiritual experience for the both of them (no matter how
casual or committed the two of them may or may not be, or no matter how good or bad
the sex is or was).

Because of how we woman [-v-] how men are built to consummate, giving head to a man
is more essential to pleasuring him than it is essential that a woman have head
performed on her. Cunniligus is merely a bonus, and for some women-a conscious
requirement (or pre-requisite)-a demand or suggestion nonetheless, but not “essential.”

In contrast however, giving head to a man is “essential” for a few reasons:
Anatomically speaking, men do not have an opening [that breeds life] as does
women that too, receives and gives pleasure. If I had to give your mind a visual
and design, I would say that his is penis is to our clitoris as his testicles are
to our fallopian tubes. We hold the power of that “extra” opening that he does not have.
Therefore, we give “extra” pleasure (to him) when willing to place our “other”
power of life and death upon his “power” a.k.a: Our mouths.

Regardless how educated, common-sensed, spiritually grounded, or personally resilient
a man is-for them all, it’s a subconscious psychology behind his need and desire for
getting head. His penis is tied to a whole sleuth of emotional, societal, and mental
strings because of his gender’s role expectation in this world that we live in that even
if a man rejects this being imposed upon him he knows he can’t escape [the expectation].

He cannot escape that expectation any more than it is expected that a woman is to procreate
and make the family (for him). Obviously, there are special circumstances such as:
young age/inexperience, and situations like: female/male sterility that forfeit those
expectations however-when a man cannot hunt and gather enough for family, whether we’d
like to admit it or not (and even if he can hunt, gather and provide); it all comes back
to that old saying that all men have, or will say at least once in his lifetime:
All I got is my word and my balls.”

Although it’s mostly said with humor, all men know that when all is said and done, secured or
not secured; his “word and his ‘balls’ ” will survive him when of if all else won’t.
And to his male mind, especially ‘his balls’ (what sits above it) is special, and must be
handled and catered to with a special kind of care and consideration.

(We are going take a second to fly this bird down a few notches-take it P-G so that I
can get you to the point).

The gender role expectations (that we all adhere to) can be observed as early as
3 years old, and even better observable from ages 5 and up. As a former psych student with
personal interest in the study of gender roles, I’ve taken several classes where we observed
male and female children behind three-way mirrors in order to be able to assess and study their
gender role differences from 3 to 6 years of age-to interpret what we saw enough to be able to
write 15-20 page thesis’ about our various observations (by which we would attend these voyeur
sessions for two-weeks to one month at a time)-unbeknownst to the children who were merely
attending the learning/child-care center.

But as it pertains to what I am saying in this piece-as we grow older, our male-female roles evolve
into other ways that, [little do many of us understand] happened naturally and as early as early those
ages I just mentioned.

As women, we are socialized (and conditioned-as the weaker sex) to be somewhat subservient
and when the question begs: “To give or not to give?” we (subconsciously) know that it is an
act of submission to him that often times, those voices in our heads are merely trying to
forewarn us that we may (or may not be) kneeling and submitting to-bestowing upon that man-a
type of submission that nothing past those voices in his head can literally handle
(when the deed is done).

The problem is, although (I feel) submitting to a man and bestowing upon him-that kind of
thing is a “gift” and one such act that is as necessary as kissing his neck and lips; the problem
is that we have to learn to pay attention to those voices in our heads in comparison to the fact
if we are laying (and kneeling) to a king or to a pawn. And what we need to do is make better
choices in men-exercise a little more patience and work on his head up top, before working on his
head (below).

Which brings me to the point of this blog.

Mid-week sometime, there was a story that had come out that not only caught my eye, but also
resonated with me quite a bit-because I write in my Angie Situation book/series
(outside of what is on the website samples); a few stories about that same thing involving
the protagonist in the story which, from book 1-starts off by introducing you to her-and takes
you through her life events and situations that ongoing (page-for-page); allows the reader to
see what becomes of her the choices she had made (as well as those that were out of her control
and realm of understanding) until she begins to evolve into book 2 and definitely by book 3-what
catapulted it, what became of her, what came back to haunt her/end her…

December 2012 is one heaven of a busy month for me-and before I decided to press pause for a few
minutes on my book writing, to blog about this blog that you are reading. In between time, I
needed to sit back and observe how the party involved in this week’s fiasco moved-how she was
moving on that scandal that hit social. If she handled it the typical way that the basic/average
female today would have moved on it, I probably would not have written this blog. Because it is a blog
written to give you some understanding and sensibilities behind what a sexually active girl at
age 17, doesn’t have to capacity to understand is senseless (when she’s too young to understand
the seriousness of it the repercussions involved that too, can put a toll on her heart, her mind,
and her life).

No, this blog is not an “excuse” for her, but it is written to help people (in judgment of a girl
and situation as such)-to help them understand the plight of a young girl having the faculties to
foresight to see what could become of her (and the situation).

Equally as important-because it is so taboo-it is still something all women can
relate to (whether or not their situation played out into the publicly, or whether it simply
remained swept under the rug and hidden deep within the crevices of her mind). Any woman now, who was
sexually active at a young age can most probably relate-regardless the degree or degrade.

This blog was birthed because of the way she moved and handled it. I must say that I was completely
surprised (especially in this day and age, where the slightest shine down on anything-no matter how
shameful or degrading, not many people would ignore the “opportunity” to ride that into fifteen minutes
of bullshit of getting famous for being famous). Instead-she fought it-vehemently (thus far).

Now I mentioned earlier: “what we need to do is make better choices in men-exercise a little
more patience and work on his head up top, before working on his head (below)”
but my question to you is: “What can a 17-year old sexually active girl do with some ‘advice’ like that?”

So don’t judge her (or any other girl caught up in some sex scandal-public or otherwise).
Instead, understand this about female and a male:
Even if it turned out to be in vain and rebelled against, as youngsters, there is a reason why our parents
and other elders spent so much time trying to give us talks about abstaining from sex until we were “ready.”
Unfortunately “ready” is relative-and such that the body always seems to beat the mind to “ready” and when we
act on that, that is where our problems begin (especially females).

Boys (and many men) are not mentally prepared to be able to maturely deal with what is being done to their bodies
any more than girls (and many women, too) have a full understanding that they are sexually submitting to males
(who are actually pawns) in ways that make him feel like a king-when he is not. And when he is not, he pawns her
off in ways that could ruin her publicly, mentally, emotionally and personally.

Having experienced such a thing at a time in my young and “unevolved” life
(before I found “myself” and something constructive to focus on), I can vouch for that being a fact.

If you have been to my website and know a little bit about me, then you already know what my “thing” is,
what my M-O is: Everything that I write or blog about has one or all these things intertwined:
the Erotic, Introspective, Reflective, Self-Efficacious, or the Metaphysical.

So let me reflect.

When I write blogs like this, and when I write biographical fiction and narrative nonfiction books like:
Feel Like A Lady. Deal Like A Man: Tips & Secrets on Everything from Self-Esteem, Friends, Love, Sex, and Men
I don’t put together information gathered from various articles and pre-written research to try to prove
my point and build my book. I feel that if I’m going to reach somebody with a relatable truth then they have a
right to get the truth (from the horse’s mouth).

For a woman, it’s almost next to impossible to be able to articulate herself enough to write a
nonfiction book (or blog such as this one) without having been there, and been over it.

I have to admit that when something happens that forces me to revisit situations like the
inspiration behind why I wrote this blog, I can’t help but feel like kicking myself
and suck my teeth while spewing epithets and expletives because it’s a reminder of not just
how gullible I was. But there is a blessing in it that I cannot allow myself to forget.
Things have happened (and I believe purposely) catapulted me into being the woman that I am
today (with regard to love and relationship): More realistic and practical than dreamy
and unrealistic about what I wish to be true (when not)-something that’s responsible for
a lot of unnecessary hurt and pain that we women put ourselves through in the name of love.

The lessons that I found in the blessing was something that most women never get a chance
have happen in their adult and evolved lives [before easy access and the invention of
Twitters & Facebooks through-to date-until resentfully throwing in the towel]: That/those ones who last
knew the gullible “you,” go through hell and high water over the years to find you…only
to meet the “woman you”-far from that same girl that spent nights crying uncontrollably,
balled up in senseless emotional knots that you never thought you’d muster the strength
to make your way out of.

Did it do anything for my ego? No.
Did it do anything for my self-esteem? Somewhat.
Did it teach me a lot about myself? Yes. More than I ever could’ve imagined.
And it taught me that this wasn’t all because I’m so drop-dead gorgeous and
beautiful, but rather, during my gullibility, I didn’t have it in me to be any
more open to “give” anything other than as discussed in the premise and the title
of this blog. And sometimes people who merely didn’t get a chance to finish knowing
you, or loving you feel like that is what they want to do, regardless whatever they
put you through.

The part that makes you kick yourself and suck your teeth is the reality of being forced
to see yourself in a mirror; sitting there talking to a man who’s doing his best to say
all the right things but [as a woman now] you can’t even see into him enough to feel his
plight because all you keep seeing is yourself in some outer body experience having
conversations with your (then) self and your (now) self, by which none are working to his
plea and benefit-yet-purely experiencing clarity rather than contempt. It’s a high, and a
closure that I never chased but somehow found me-something that I’m sure would have turn
out completely different had I not found “me.”

But by being open to dialogue about anything outside of rekindling what’s no longer
necessary in my world today, over the years of having moved on; it’s helped me be true
to myself, reroute the blame, undo the shame, and meet people where I’m at right now-gone

Although the rollercoaster ride, the twists, the turns, the spins and road to it may
very well have made one hell of a jaw-dropping “loosely based” series, it was not in vain.
And quite frankly; couldn’t have been made possible had I not been forced to re-visit my
(then) “me” who still, I had zero understanding of until my (now) “me”—and that I am pretty
sure is not that different than many young girls to grown women who too, can relate-no matter
how private and swept under a rug (or public) your version was played out.


{November 15, 2012}   Jump-Start Your Spark.


It’s no different than being positively inspired by looking forward to a great day or a thing (for yourself).

As you harbor nothing but great thoughts about people, they don’t necessarily have to do or say anything in particular to inspire you-they just do.

Guess whose thoughts and all that is all up to? You!

Ignite your day.

{August 8, 2012}   Solace.

You Find Solace and Sanctity Through Never-ending and Persistent Antagony’s Insanity.

Everywhere, everybody seems to think that money [fame/success] is the key to end all your woes,
your ups, your downs, your highs and your lows.

But never underestimate the power and necessity of personal self-success:
taking time out and spending time with yourself-learning yourself,
earning yourself-and discovering things all about your self there is to
learn you are all about (less worldly and monetary success).

It’s invaluable.

Literally (and I do mean literally) every single day that I wake up,
I am humbled when it is proven to me-right before my very eyes- how agonizing
it must really feel to have all the money, and/or fame, and/or success in the
world yet, from sun-up, to sun-down, still be in consistent “antagony” over
something or something possessed by somebody else that not even money, fame
or success can even pay for…
That has to be the most torturous existence to live in, yet-seek to expend from.
And one such that I can image the poorest and homeless of man is much better off [in comparison to].

Every single day, I am humbled and peacefully paced, because even as
of three years ago-I used to think it was the total opposite.
And for that…I am humbled.

God will always show you what you need to know-especially
when it is you who needs to know it.

There is more to “success” than “success” itself. Discover richness
and wealth in all things collectively you that money cannot buy.
That is your truth wealth (and value).

If you are not in self-preparation for it, outside of
persistent “antagony,” you really have nothing but consistent insanity.

I’m a living, alive, humbled witness of that demonstrative daily truth.

{May 30, 2012}   That’s Just It. Baby!

Anything [used] “AGAINST” you, is…never was…and never will be FOR you…

That’s just it.

Those who mind-don’t matter. And those who matter, don’t mind.

You don’t have to acknowledge, explain or excuse
nothing to anybody who has love for you.

“Shortcomings” are merely things: Assumed, Supposed, Conjured up,
Proposed & Imposed…by people who really have no love for you
and would rather see you long-going rather than:

-Coming out
-Coming up
-Moving up

…Period. Dot.

Give ’em hell, baby!.

(That’s gives ’em heaven)…

{May 29, 2012}   (Quote).

‎”If you are not yourself,
if you surrender your personality,
you have nothing left to give the world.
By the suppression of your individuality,
you lose your distinctive character.”- Edward Wilmot Blyden

{May 24, 2012}   Spiritual Spanx.

A spiritual person is a spiritual person when they write, walk or speak.

The most honest you can be with people (human beings) is to walk and write from behind spiritual buffers-stand front and center and speak to them from who YOU are (like your regular conversation).

That, in and of itself, is a spiritual experience for you and them-both…

I do not write (or speak) to gather crowd or hide behind buffers, because I have nothing to hide…but much to share.

Having said that, I appreciate any and everyone who appreciates my “fat”…straight like that.

{May 3, 2012}   Lucky.

I’m not very big on luck, but I must admit-I do
feel lucky when a lady-bug crawls on me, a butterfly
flits around me, a red robin bobs in front of me,
and when I run; a catepillar makes himself visible…
so that I don’t step on it.

{May 1, 2012}   Trust Yourself.

It is so very easy to cult people:

  • looking for a temporary messiah
  • secretly growing impatient waiting on Jesus to come
  • secretly tired of living life, therefore (secretly) waiting on the world to end
  • crossing their fingers in hopes of an opportunity, deal, or chance at life. And living such that they are afraid to create one for themselves
  • looking for excuses to keep mistrusting their own self
  • looking for excuses to not want to strenghten their own lives, and pick their own hearts, tears & faces off the floor

 …The truth is:

 You put your own self out of business, and weaken your own spirit when you do that.

 So trust your self.


If you can’t trust your own self, then why should anyone else?

{April 24, 2012}   How High?

Did you cheerlead for you today?

When you jumped, did you hesitate and ask yourself: “how high?”

Or did you just DO IT!?

{April 15, 2012}   Temple-ly Yours.

Take care of, and stay in total control of you.

To give up control of you is to give in to false &
helpless beliefs, doctrines, or mantras that other
human beings are and can be the cause or effect of
your happiness or joy, or sadness and sorrow.

Like a magnet, nothing can get to, or in you-that
isn’t of, or in you (already)…

Anything that reaches any emotion in you should work:
-with you
-for you
-on you
-through you

…you are in control of anything working “you.”

You cannot receive sorrow, if isn’t already in you.

As well, you cannot receive happiness, or feel joy
if it isn’t already of you.

Your body isn’t your only temple, it is also
your own heart, and your own mind.

Own it!
Bless up.

Words are powerful-they manifest.

Those words being said…we habitually inspire (or tritely say): “Rise & Grind.”

But to “rise,” we have to grind, after we rise [then] grind.

So that being said:

Rise & Grind.

Grind to Rise.

Grind & Shine.

Happy Wednesday.

Wake up.

In order to “chase,” “go after,” of “run for,” your dreams…you have to be awake to do so.

In order to “rise” as a result…you have to be and come alive from your spark of inspiration (inside).

Great morning 🙂

I love “life.”

And every day, I grow to fall more in love with the love of mine:

The Living.

The Learning.

The Discovery.

The kinds of things I discover and learn by accident.

…Or incident.

Without even trying to find and know.

I learned that those are the times that really
matter and mean what you really need in order to know,
to grow, to leave some things behind, take some things on,
get serious about some things, and less serious about other things.
In short: to change, and rearrange-every thing.

One thing I can say is this:

I never learned the truth about life, or things and the people in
it by treading lightly.
I always learn my BEST lessons and all that I need to
know at the “pushes” of certain buttons.

When that happens, I thank GOD with a grunt, because
you never know the GIFT of the risk of going too far.
At its opening…discovery of knowing if you’ve allowed
something or someone around you too long-you never know UNTIL…
you push that “right” button…

That is where all the answers and the truth is found…

That is when your freedom begins. Again and again.

I can’t explain that liberating feeling.

There is a kind of “magic” found in it that I can barely
explain-just something you can only understand at its experience.

Just felt like sharing as much of the good feeling about
it as I can conjure up in words.

Because I feel oh-so-good.

…And wanted to share it: as best I could.

The irony about the “Easy” button it is that you don’t get
the answers you NEED from it until the most challenging and
UNeasy moments…

So know that there IS such a thing as an “Easy” button…

You just can’t be too afraid to push it.

And then push past it.

That is when it all becomes “Easy.”

{April 2, 2012}   Epiphany in the Sun.

Had an epiphany while running with the sun today. The wind reminded me that when you come to terms with the fact that:

-Consequence is not a coincedence.

-Karma’s function is to punish & teach as well as surprise & give.

-Everything is relative (including death and taxes).

-Nothing’s for certain (except death and taxes).

-Everything we complain about being done to us-in some form or another, we’ve done to someone else too.

-A life lived is by choice & design or default.

…you are free of more than you think, and know all that you need to know and can control.

Life then begins.

Again and again and again.

So live, and enjoy it!

{March 30, 2012}   Tsk. Tsk. Risk.

Never go out of your way, to get in the way of-or to make an opponent out of someone who is willing to take risks that you are not, and “live life” better than you.

It’s a no-win situation.

Because they are better able to survive life, either way, better than you.

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
Like a hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing of my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,
They say they still can’t see.
I say
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

from And Still I Rise by Maya Angelou
copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou.


{February 14, 2012}   Grow. Love.

I often contemplate love.
Because if you really know love, you know that there is always a new and better way to do it-everyday. That’s how you grow love.

And that’s how you grow, Love.

{October 3, 2011}   Rising Sun.

Sunrise is a gift of the new day where its
presents are clarity for your vision(ary)
and a Picasso for your clear canvas’ painting.

Repair. Prepare. Renew.

{September 24, 2011}   The 80-10 Rule.

Most often, we have a tendency to think that it’s a kind of “spiritual spell”
that we send out into the universe to place upon another person that we “feel”
has harmed or hurt us. We tend to think that is Karma’s main role.

Rarely do we contemplate the notion that her purpose and mission is also
something that is a result of choices that we make, or a message or a lesson
that she wants to give us-just as much as the blessings we are so used to
attributing her in thanks for.

I had what I considered to be a “life altering” experience that plagued me for years.
And during those years, I think I “carried a big knife” of Karma wishes for the person
that I felt was the reason behind all that I had gone through
(as a result of my response to the trauma that originally started off on a level playing field).

I have a motto: “if you don’t want to slip or get caught slipping, stay away from slippery places.”
Sometimes however, you won’t know that you are in a slippery situation until slippery happens.

Well, slippery happened. And the unfortunate part about it is that I was the one
without the “power” in the situation. In dealing with people (especially in non-business)
having the “power” in a situation should never be an issue unless someone has ill-tent
or if ill occurs.

Well, ill occurred. And the one with the power in the situation took everything to
a whole new level that was way over my head and in no way could defend and no one
else (uninvolved) could even entertain the thought of (much less-understand).
The more I put the person as out of control as I could, they turned it up each
step of the way until I was backed into a corner. They thought it was cute, clever
and so covert that they handled it all as if I was locked in some underground
basement that was miles away from life and civility and should just deal
with it-because there was no where to run, hide or yell out to.

That angered me. That is when I had to think of a master-plan: fight back
with the only resource and ability that I had to fight back with, which
involved “beating ‘em in their own neighborhood” (so to speak).

Well, I got results (somewhat) in that it lessoned their “power” (somewhat).
They knew it was not in their best interest to be so brazen with me in ways
that they were in the beginning. Because although I did not have the “power”
or resources to (literally) beat ‘em in their own neighborhood, the steps that
I did take, put me on their soil (in ways they never entertained the thought I had in me to do).

Though I got results (somewhat), eventually it plagued my life in ways that
I not only didn’t anticipate, but didn’t carefully “map out.” Because I only wanted
freedom from the situation and to get it eradicated, I didn’t feel that I had to
“map out,” premeditate or lie about anything in order for the truth to set
me free from them. But it didn’t work that way. What I sought out to be free
from turned more into a sensational happening to the eyes of others,
whereas my mind and reasoning behind getting it dealt with were
far from “sensational.”

It was a nightmare.

Seeing as though I could tell that no one was going to have any
interest in seeing the situation as serious as it was (from my mind’s eye),
I began to present it to anyone what I felt could free me from it, in a way
that would be “sensational” to them. I was desperate by this time.
Because every passing day, it seemed like this person’s mess was all
cleaned up-yet, the both of us knew that they hadn’t and weren’t going to walk away.

I could not believe it.

Every day, I nearly woke up and went to sleep “praying” to be in the know
when Karma’s shoe was going to drop in that person’s life. I refused to live
with the fact that this person blew into and through my life like a storm
(uninvited) and got was getting away with it (unscathed).

All that was left after the storm was: the sensation, the skepticism and me.
My life was ruined as a result. Because the truth that I defended and fought
with in comparison to their “power” over the situation-made everything look
like it was probably my imagination or an over-exaggeration of what really

No matter how far I had gotten with my results, deep down inside of me,
I could not live with the fact that the person was not punished. I needed to know,
to see and to witness Karma in action in order for me to be satisfied.

(Many of us) think that once we call upon Karma to get at people that we feel have
caused us harm, we must also oversee her work[ings].

No slaying dragon fantasy of how it should be done in our heads is further from her
spiritual realm of reality (that she is in control of).

What I learned about Karma is that though she is not blind, she is deaf
(to our cries and calls to her). Almost like “talking too [her] hand.” How do I know this?

I met her.

She’s this little white-haired, wise old-lady who sits in a wooden rocking chair
behind a one-way, sound-proof window with her legs crossed-flipping through the
pages of her itinerary as if she is flipping through the pages of a magazine;
finding out who’s naughty, and who’s nice. Because she knows that she is coming to town…

She’s not a friend any more than she is a foe to you, or to me.

She has no attachment to either one of us. No “favorites.” No “least favorites.”

She’s less interested in us-individually, and more interested in us in relation to
the world, the universe, and other people and things co-existing with us.

She’s merely an unbiased universal gate-keeper who rewards, reminds and runs the
reaping of what we’ve sewn (positive or negative, bad or good).

Whatever is relativity true, false or so (from person to person), is concretely:
true, false, or so (to her and her only). That’s her role. She is the universal
go-between and the referee of all that we debate and have tug of wars about.
She is the final decision maker who rings the bell (to begin), or throws in the
towel (to make an end).

Man down.

After awaking from a haze of what I assumed was the gist of Karma’s ways, clarity
came into view and this I learned was true: Karma’s spirit is kind of like that
saying that goes: “life is 10% of what happens to you and 80% of how you respond to it.”
That 80% is the sum of the pain you’ll collect, the lesson, the blessing, the demise,
the rise, the fall-all that. Because that 10% is: none of our business, out of our
control and the [good or bad] workings of Karma.

So all the while, I was standing behind that window, beating on it-trying to tell
her how I wanted her to come down on that person, what I learned is that you do not
call shots for Karma-she calls her own. She does things her own way and by her own
time-as she is related to Father Time. Her secret about how and when she is going to
do whatever it is she is going to do is between herself and “To Whom it Concerns.”
Karma is and never will be any of our business. I learned that they hard way.

In order for you to keep your sanity, and live a life with any semblance of normalcy,
you have to adopt the 80-10 rule and respect that fact that She runs that 10% and You
have a whole 80% to deal with and live with. Take from that-lessons or blessings and make
lemonade out of lemons with a life of your choosing: bitter, sweet or both.

I chose to make it sweet. So pour some sugar on me.

The only way I could make peace with the situation was to see make the “sweet” of it.

Had I not had that episode in my life, I never would have known who my real and true friends
were, from who really wasn’t. Everybody is a friend when things are well and smooth sailing.
But it is the traumatic times in our lives when you are able to see true colors shine through
or fall back. I was grateful to the episode for giving me that lesson. As a result, I changed
my life around and re-arranged my definition of what a “friend” is and became more careful
about who I gave that title to. Luckily “BFF” became a substitute for “friend,” because if
it weren’t for that, I would’ve been down to 3 “friends.”

Pour some sugar on me.

The “sweet” of it made me stronger. Although I can admit that it altered my personality
somewhat, it did so in areas that I really needed and otherwise, would never know.
And from it, I learned the lesson that you get it how you live it. That’s with everything.
From getting the results of something from the level you live it, down to getting the life
you want to the level of how you live it (as well).
That put fire under my but and took me from a mundane level of comfort and complacency,
and forced me to BE about what I TALKED and as well: DREAMED about.

The only freedom in this life that you really have is the access and options that you have in it.

Pour that sugar all on me.

In order for me to stay sane, I had to make my bitter turn sweet by letting go-and letting
Karma work her hand-if and whenever she saw fit.

So what do I know about Karma?

I know that Karma’s spirit is like a field of seeds, gardens or weeds: lessons,
messages or blessings, but not ours to “pick” from.

So the floral of the story is this:

I spent years of my life, fighting a battle that wasn’t mine in the first place.
And while I was so busy on a crusade to join forces with Karma in getting the person
back for what I felt they put me through, years had passed and that person had sealed
their own fate and demise-without my help, after all. The curtains they brought down
onto themselves had nothing to do with me (after all), but rather, what they had done
to me was a debt they owed to Karma-who finally paid ‘em a visit
(after all and on her own time). I didn’t even realize that person had their meeting
with Karma already because I was too busy trying to make Karma my ally and slay the
dragon the way I saw fit (in my head). Years had passed and she had already come to
town and did what she came to do and was now behind that sound-proof one-way window;
sitting in her rocking chair, reviewing her itinerary and done with the both of us
(my nemesis and me).

It took a long time and my quality of life and personality to be shifted somewhat,
for me to finally realize that I still had a whole 80% to work with (after all).
And although Karma didn’t slay the dragons the way I wanted to (from scene in my head),
she still handled her functions in my nemesis’ life in ways that I never could have
imagined-nonetheless (after all).

So all was not lost, and I’m working on and with that, as I write-right.

Right now? Score: 80-10.

Stay tuned…


{September 13, 2011}   Bringing Sand to the Beach

If life is what we make it.
We can:
*make sandcastles in the sand
*bury ourselves beneath it
*sink in it
*leave footprints in it

Beyond our presumptions, and assumptions lies our greatest liberation.

Don’t envy me.
I have nothing but:
*something to do
*something to look forward to.

All else outside of that, I will have to leave preoccupied by you.

Don’t pity me.
You know not of the blessings that have come from my rain or my pain. I’m blessed-I could never be made to feel shame.

Don’t hate on me.
You know of none of the battles that I am fighting and going through.
The things I do to turn my grey skies light-blue.
How I’m livin.’
What (ups) I’ve given.
What (if) of me’s been taken.
My poker face-when I’m really shaken.

I said it once and I’ll say it again to you:

Don’t pity me. Don’t hate on me. And don’t envy me.
I have nothing, but:
*something to do
*something to look forward to

All else outside of that, I’ll have to leave you concerned with and preoccupied by you.

In spite everything and all, when I fall, even taller-I stand tall.
I’m blessed, so I can thrive and smile.
I’m blessed-in my shoes, no one can walk 1/3 of a mile.

I’m blessed.
Highly favored.
Sweetly flavored.
Uniquely tailored.

I have something invaluable
*something to do
*something to look forward to

So allow me to school or liberate you:

As we concern ourselves with that… for you-you can discover this too.
What’s good for me, is also available too:
*something to do
*something to look forward to

Don’t pity, hate and envy, NOBODY’cause it ‘don’t serve you!

{July 9, 2011}   Crystalization.


…until it crystalizes to asbestos.

Nothing less than what your best is.

{June 17, 2011}   A Certain Kinda Guarantee.

Uncertainty is that thing that we know nothing is guaranteed and certain except uncertainty itself.

But, for certain, there is one guarantee: that’s what life and living is all about.

Life itself is certainly beautiful.

{June 9, 2011}   Love Reflection.

When you find something to latch onto for you-you are less likely to latch onto things-and lose you.

Magnetically, things that are for you will latch onto and connect to you.

That which is not, will lose and loosen from you.

{June 9, 2011}   Mouth Over Matter.

Always own up to and be aware of your own (negative) feelings: where they are, why they are, and how they’re kept when it comes to indignation of another person (who has no knowledge of, played no part or participation in, and nothing to do with the rumblings on inside of you).

It’s not healthy to go around carrying a big knife for people over the goings on in your mind-especially if you’ve never even had a conversation with them about it: out of your mouth.

That means it’s just all in your head (literally).

{June 9, 2011}   Be Remarkable.

Some pencils don’t come with erasers and some ink pens do.

That’s the beauty in life.

Make your mark-your own way.

Mark your make.

{June 9, 2011}   Trite the Cliche.’

Don’t look at some things as a ‘bridge” if it is obvious that its troubled waters burn.

Do forget “where you came from” if it held you down, rather than up.


Hello Blog Reader.

First, I want to say that I apologize for keeping you on hold regarding this link in the blog.

If you follow this blog, you know for the most part (unless I have an opinion that suits my
agenda/platform/mantra) I pretty much keep it “un” celebrity news (because there are blogs running
rampant with that kind of stuff and I have no interest in running my blog that way).
And also because here-on my blog-I write from my head and my heart about whatEVER I’m thinking,
feeling, observe or experience.

My objective here is to merely be the writer behind the writer.

If you followed this particular link that I started on 5.14.11, you know that I put the brakes
on finishing it “until I felt like” delving into it to finish it.

That is because this particular blog was VERY personal to me, and it hit home in my head and
heart after I read the blog [about Chopper]. It made me pour out a lot that had been on my head and heart.
And because I totally understood the flip-side of how that story was reported from a
point of view you could probably never understand (unless you are experiencing it);
I went in and blogged about it.

Sometimes though, as a writer (who blogs about stuff from the heart), because I am
a published writer who blogs, I’ve found (and observed) that sometimes you have to be careful,
because everybody does not have love for you. And I’m cool with that-because when I write,
post and speak; I do so with MY audience in mind-the rest is null and void and not even in the
back of my mind. I’m as iron-clad, slash tough as nails, slash razorbacked as it gets, in that regard.

With that being said, sometimes when you blog about true feelings and thoughts from the heart
and mind; you have to keep in mind that everybody reading it (or any of your work for that matter)
does not have your best interest at heart. Everybody does not have genuine love for
you and are merely more “curious” than they actually “care” or [or care to] understand anything
you think, feel, observe or experience.

OPPOSITE that though; there are lots of people who do-lots of people who do
have love for me as a person as well as a writer. And for THIS particular blog-this conversation
is one that I would prefer to speak to only THEM; because they would seek to (care) to understand
what I’m getting at and saying, even if they have a slant opposite mine. All else would merely use
it as ammunition and fuel to pick apart, judge, assume and have something to feel important to
gossip and slay about.

Since this particular blog is so personal for me, and since I have no control over which
type of persons’ eyes reaches this blog; one thing I do have control over is continuing to finish
it (or not to).

This blog is free-reading that I chose to share from my heart, mind, observation and experience.
It is not apart of my published work that you pay for, so I’m in control of what I wish to do
[or not do] with it.

That being said, unless my mind changes and I’m ready to finish this particular blog story
(that I still have saved); I am going to put it back on pause and put it to you like this:

If you got love for me, and your reason for visiting this particular link was because you
were interested in knowing and seeking to understand what I was getting at; then you’ll fall
back and respect my decision and be content with the fact that if you ever want to know:
• what I’m thinking
• what I’m feeling
• how I respond
• how I would have
• or how I should have
…handled a situation; keep abreast of my work. I control my characters just as much as they control me…

Me, my imagination, my opposed, my reality and my supposed is what creates the writer in me in every
piece of everything that I write (and publish).

So I like a rap beef (where this type of “personal” is concerned) I am going to have keep my thoughts
and feelings on wax (paper). And if you got love for me, you support me, you feel and love what I do,
and how I do it; then you will respect and rock with this. And I will continue to appreciate having you
read this blog and seeing you anywhere here with me:

But on the flip side of that emotion (that I hope you second), if you do not respect that, then that
means you were merely “curious” and don’t have love for me anyway. In that case, I do not write TO or FOR you -anyway, anywhere.

I cater to those who love and respect what I do and any decision that I feel is best for me.
And if that is you-then let’s keep rocking and rolling, ‘cause I got love for you, too.

I have my own personal reasons for doing everything that I do (and everything that I don’t do)…

To know anything about me as a person OR the writer behind the writer is to first know that fact.

With love and appreciation for yous with love, appreciation and respect for me.

-Angela (9.19.2011).


{May 1, 2011}   Woo Bring Thee Joy.

Life can seem sadistic-teetering on masochistic.

There is no “simple solution” to it.

We feel unhappy with it sometimes because we think we are supposed to be happy in it.

But the truth is, we have to take our joy from it-like a thief in the light…

Happy is a condition.

Joy is the only state of mind that is the state of being.

Whether we realize or accept it as fact, “happy” is a fluctuating and fleeting emotion; contingent upon so many things that ignite it (long or short-term).
But pursue it-intently while remaining gratefully content with where you are and what you already have, and with that-joy will definitely be found.

{April 14, 2011}   You and With the World.

It’s more than just “being yourself.”
Love you, but also love “being yourself.”
Because you can never be unhappy knowing that there is no one else in this world that you would rather be…

…after discovering (and truly believing) that there is nothing “wrong” with that.

{April 8, 2011}   Create. Critique. Cheerlead.

Enjoy it. When you create anything from your own mind and heart, you can (and should) be your own critic and even moreso-your own cheerleader.

{March 29, 2011}   Case of the Fake People

It’s delusion.

When people do not know you, but want and expect something from you-they will often call you fake because they (subconsciously) know their rationale is ego-centered and unreal-so, the only way to justify their thinking is to call you “fake.”

How presumptuous, and preposterous.


“Fake” is a common word turned moniker, damned you by those who either: don’t know you and want to know you, or once upon a time in life, had your real and full attention-undivided, and no longer do (usually because of their own inaction or actions).

We will even go so far as to use terms, words and sayings such as:
“he/she is the devil,” “he/she is a snake,” “I see him/her for what they really are,” “he/she is wicked,” “now I see his/her true colors,” etc. as if our subjective feelings are objective facts.

The more deluded of us, will even go so far as to even attacking someone else’s character over ourfeelings (as if they are substantial).

Our personal feelings and what we want or expect from another are not indicative of that person’s: person, integrity or character.

If someone literally stole something from you and are no where to be found, question their character and integrity-call them fake.

If someone breached a contract with you or reneged on any (mutually agreed upon) commitment with you-question their character and integrity-call them fake.

Examples like those are substantial-they have merit and reason-nothing to do with our “feelings.”
They are just facts (of actual happenings-not emotions).

When we are emotionally mature (and true to ourselves), we do not go around convicting people based on our emotions.
That’s federal (and foolish).

People die everyday in spirit, of broken hearts and literally die-all over other people’s EMOTIONS.
People lose jobs over other people’s emotions, lose money, lose relationships, lose deals-all that (over people’s unreasonable and unchecked personal emotions).
Wars are even fought because of emotions.
You have to deal with them accordingly-properly.

Most emotion goes haywire when left unchecked and properly articulated and expressed (to whom it concerns).
That’s what’s “fake.”

When we are real (and not fake-ourselves), we hold our selves accountable for our own personal feelings rather than projecting them off onto other people; labeling other people messy and sticky things that are sticky in our messy and heads and hearts’ eye-view.

We have to hold ourselves accountable for the part we play in things (spoken or unspoken) even if we think the other person does not know…
What we “think” shows in our actions (and inaction).
Every single human being’s intuition is in use like animals’ instincts are.
Some of ours is just stronger than others. But do not underestimate your fellow human being’s intuition-simply because something is kept in your head…
Your aura will tell on you anyways-you will “give it off,” so do not expect other people to respond to you based upon (what you think) they do not know…
We are all sensitive/feeling/intuitive beings.
So if it is in your head-it is in your heart-so, hold yourself accountable to the reactions you get, as well as your actions or inactions you give (or get).

When we do hold ourselves accountable for our own feelings, it is then (and only then) that we grow to be emotionally mature and are able to live and let live-be liberated in our thinking and feeling; thus freeing others from our delusional, emotional, unreal and fake grasps-clarity then begins, and we are truly able to decipher (and accept) what it is we simply “feel” (in our own heads and hearts) versus what really is not…

Don’t let your personal feelings fake you out. Grow up.

In the court of life, you cannot win cases on “feelings.”
You win cases on facts that can be proven and substantiated beyond a reasonable doubt.

“Feelings” are not reasonable (in a factual/objective sense).
Because they are: subjective, relative, varying, situational, individual-specific. Period.

However, the good thing about feelings is that, if it means that much to us that we allow other people to occupy space in our heart and mind’s time; then that is when it is evident and clear that we need to be pleading our case to whom it concerns.

And well, if we find that we cannot do that-then we have nothing but proof that we are either: delusional or irrational, as are our thoughts and feelings about what’s real and what’s fake.

Hold that truth to be self-evident…It will truly make you brave (and free).

What say you?


{March 20, 2011}   Don’t Receive The Hype.

When most sincere, true and from the pure heart; giving requires no claim or proclaim-no status post or boast.

It is a thought, deed or an act of a silent kind of kindness. Period.

The universe is a powerful and reliable messenger that needs no hype-man.

{March 20, 2011}   Decisions. Remissions.

You will always lose and forever be on a noose, if afraid to miss whatever you never had, and left with never an option to choose.

Anyone who mean you well, simply means you well: simply.

{March 19, 2011}   Introspect Chin Check.

Validate feelings by making sure they are first: valid.

Separate feelings of upset, anger or resentment toward someone by being true to yourself and asking yourself this question:

“Do I feel this way because of something he/she did to me, or is it the direct result of something that I just feel?”

Truth is relative, and once we accept our own personal truth, we can grow on and go on, from there.

{March 17, 2011}   Square Biz and Balance Beams

Life is a funny thing.

I learn that we really “live it” when we stop trying to figure it all out.

Daily, I get some kind of confirmation from above that we will never figure it all out-because we are imperfect and human.

The only thing that is of “one,” constant, and balanced is that which is omnipotent-the rest come in twos as does the balance, continuity and consistency (that we seek).

What strenghtens us is to experience one thing and then opposite that thing.

We cannot fully know the effects of one thing, unless we have caused or felt the effects of opposite that thing.

We (as imperfect humans) are always teetering on the balance beam of life-trying to make it stand still.
We can never fully obtain this:

It is not for us to “obtain.”
I believe that it is for us to accept that we can never obtain it (consistently). That is merely “life happening” (as it is should).

No matter how perfectly “balanced” we have in mind a thing to be, or what we are to do, often times, something always comes along and knocks us off our square-putting us in a position to have to do some last minute changes and rearranging.

Day by day, in learning to really “live,” I believe that is how it is supposed to be, so that when all is balanced and consistent; we learn to appreciate it-like a surprise and gift.

In centering ourselves and getting our minds right, the best we can do [while in the moment of a thing], is ask ourselves: “is this thing right for me, after this thing?” (Whatever that “thing” may be).

Because in accepting the fact that some days we are surprised, blessed and granted with being firmly planted on our square, for the times we are not, the best we can do is to feel ahead and think ahead by having one of the most essential and valuable conversations we can have with ourselves-alone and in complete silence-beginning with these questions:

“Who am I?”

“How am I?”

“Why am I?”

…then we have the answer to “I am…” (fill in the blank).

After which, no one can knock you off your square-no matter how life happens.

I believe that no matter what happens, as long as we can answer those questions, we can get clear-and allow life to happen and then we can happen to life.

{March 9, 2011}   The Balancing Knack.

Never make decisions based on your emotions-when you are emotionally euphoric or emotionally challenged/upset (just the same).

Emotion and reason are not distant cousins-they are not even related.

Anything ruled by emotion has to be backed by logic (or at bare minimum)
rationale-in order for:
-truth to be founded (however relative to the beholder).
-anything sound or solid can be formed.

Emotion merely needs a place.

Rationale or logic need a reason.

Such as life: there will be more places to be and more things to do
[and fewer reasons] why or how.

{March 1, 2011}   Who You Be.

After the proclaim, you do not have to say
what you do or how you do.
Because when you do what you do;you live what you do,
and be what you do.
Others will know who you be by what you do
…that requires no elaboration or explanation-only what we say does.
We do, who we be.
We be, who we are.
Or we say what we do.

{February 21, 2011}   Needle. Then the Haystacks.

Live out loud.

Outlive “crowd.”

{February 20, 2011}   Perception Reflection.

Perception is everything to every individual-individually.

In its (relative truth), it is reality from behind ones own eyes,
rather than from the front of them, yet, something altogether different
from behind the eyes of the next individual…

That’s the beauty and uniqueness about each of our very own perceptive
realities, because they are our very own…

Henceforth, why it is always important to live your very own (individual)
reality as you [not only see fit] but as you see it

Because when all is seen, supposed, said and done, it
(or you) is never seen “one way.”

Do You.
Live You.
Be You.
For You.
And, for your eyes only…

{February 19, 2011}   Assuming Positions.

This blog, here, is one that I originally started on February 4th, 2011.
It had been on my mind to blog about there are so many avenues within the
issues/subject matters itself that I wanted to touch on-while still getting
my point/message across to my blog readers, because…(let me explain how I run
what I write on my blog)
Because this particular blog definitely begs for elaboration by
prefacing what I am about to blog about, by having read that section.

Read it?
Okay, here we go:
Regardless of how independent we are, or how much we love the company of
ourselves and can stand to be alone with ourselves for any amount of time
(some people can’t); a sense of belongingness is something that is just as
much apart of a human need (of any mentally and emotionally healthy individual).
It just is.
If we refer to what’s know in psychology as “Maslow’s Pyramid/Hierarchy of Needs”
(which is something I could not disagree with), we probably both would agree with
him in that the mentally and emotionally healthy human being and thriving and
functioning member of society would first secure his/her:
(1) Physical needs (for air, water, food, rest, exercise, and
awareness that freedom from diseases and disabilities are lifelong “goals” in order to
have a basic healthy quality of life).

(2) Security needs (for safety, shelter and stability-self-explanatory).

(3) Social needs (the need for being loved, belongingness and feeling included-self-explanatory).

(((4))) Ego (the need for self-esteem, power, recognition, prestige-met
through external sources of achievement and recognition via promotions/bonuses and other
perks that make us feel validated, no matter how “independent” we are, we all still have
that physiological need in order for us to thrive).

(((5))) Self-Actualization (the need for development and
creativity-met through autonomy and achievement).

The Game of Life (and Our Positions in it) Really is a Pyramid.

#1. (very bottom of the pyramid-PHYSICAL)
We cannot survive and/or live a healthy life without #1

#2. (second from the bottom of the pyramid-SECURITY)
We either go into what’s psychologically known as “fight or flight” mode if we cannot
secure #2 (when we are mentally and emotionally healthy). If by some unfortunate circumstance,
we lose the “fight or flight” will in #2, we succumb to the circumstance: spiritually and
emotionally and as [per society eyes] are considered not a “normal functioning” member of it.
Various things happen from there on.

#3. (third up from the bottom of the pyramid-SOCIAL)
Where that need is concerned, it all varies from person to person to one degree or another-example.
I know that you probably know some people who spend some much of their life’s time attaching
themselves to organizations and all things external for the sake of saying that they belong
to a thing that at the end of the day, when all is said and done and “belonged out,” they don’t
even belong to themselves. We all know one or a few people in our lives like that. There are others
who are content with belonging to a steady job and a church. Yet, there are others who are most
content belonging to certain social groups that…make them feel or give them the “illusion”
that #4 and # 5 is being obtained by way of their #3 social need of belonging.

…Whereas the evolved, financially, emotionally and mentally self-sufficient human being
is aware that (4) and number (5) has work that comes with that…
It’s not a matter of securing numbers (1) through (3) and bouncing in an assumed position
of (4) and (5).

A lot of people meet their emotional, mental, occupational, financial, and spiritual demise #3.
That is the point where we are more apt to project our negative emotions and dissatisfaction
with our selves and this life onto others (who appear to be on and up to 4 and 5).
And we neglect to earn or work our way to spots 4 and 5.
When that is the case, we find ourselves in all kinds of hurtful situations-trying to: get
there, be there as maintain our (assumed) position-there (if we arrive at 4 and 5 without
having worked/earned our way there).

In order to reach numbers (4) and (5)-Ya’ ‘gotta “WORK” for it!.

If you reach (4) and (5) and you did not work for it-that means: Ya’ ‘gotta “PLAY” for it!

…and if you don’t know how to play the game, that means you have assumed a position in which
you were not: personally, spiritually, emotionally, mentally and socially adept enough to handle,
therefore, you will definitely get played with no one to blame but yourself.

Good news though.
We can blame that on one or two things:
-sheer naivete’ (being stuck at number (3) in life and having no clue how to reach number
(4) and number (5) of the pyramid)
-assumption, presumption or greed (being stuck in number (3) in life and not willing to
work for/earn number (4) and number (5)

Of the two things that we can blame it on, they are relative and in the hands of:
-he who judges the situation
-or, you, who (if true to yourself about the situation) can be realistic and come to terms
with how you lost in the game and come up with a new game plan with what to do about it
(next) time or do different, i.e (not play the game but-work for it).

As I’ve watched the reality show “Basketball Wives,” I ascertained (in Season 1)
that Shaunie O’Neal (Shaquille O’Neal’s ex-wife), was indeed the Queen Bee and captain.
(I am more than sure Gloria would object to that moniker, but in the role of the socialization
of this group/team in particular…she is).
Within this team, if you’re going to “play the game,” (by climbing up the pyramid to
number (4) and number (5) straight from number (3); by socialization alone;
if you are going to “play” on the team-you do have to acknowledge the captain-even
if you do not like the captain. And more importantly, if that captain is not you-know must
know (and know how to play) your position…
Do NOT “assume” it-not matter how “included” you may feel…

That is the pitfall of “socially climbing” up from “hierarchy need” number (3),
straight into number (4) and number (5) having not “worked” for it-and in this case:
stepping into the paint to play the game.
Having gone that route, if you are not socially adept and do not know how to play
the game and you do not know your position and how to play it, you are indeed in for a rude awakening…

The psychology of it all…we’re done with…
Now, it’s time to take it to the streets, brass taxes and Laymen’s terms…
Which brings me back to Royce…

…in all her naivete’ ‘s/assumptive/presumptive splendor.

As I watched the Reunion Special of Season 1 where Royce began to cry and thank
Shaunie for welcoming her into their circle, the look on Shaunie’s face
(in addition to Royce’s already undervalued position within this team) told me
(last Season) that she (Royce) was in for one rude-awakening…

It was sad to me because Royce’s tears and what she said to Shaunie was really sincere.
And the empathetic me-throughout my lifetime-has seen all too well, that same kind of
emotion displayed to people deemed “popular,” from people who were undervalued in social
circles (not as vocally demonstrative and open as Royce ingratiating herself to Shaunie at
the Reunion 1 show), but more physically demonstrative (of the same).

That happened to me before.

Quite unexpected, and in the middle of a regular conversation between girls, a friend
ingratiated herself to me-in that same manner and with those same tears as Royce.
Yet, my friend confessed something to me that happened some years ago-from way back
when we were kids. She said to me:
“Angie, and I just need to tell you something. I wanna just thank you so much…so-so
much for being a friend to me and accepting me for being just the way I was. I was nappy-head,
poor, my shoes had holes in them. I had 3 outfits to mix and match for 7-days a week.
I had no school supplies and could not make it to school some days because of those issues.
We were homeless and living from shelter-to-relative. I would be at school
(when I could make it there) with my feet literally touching the ground-from holes being
in the bottoms of my shoes.
Yet, when I would see you with all your friends; popular and not a care in the world-you
would always welcome me in and hug me. Those days in school for me-Angie-would really take
my mind off what I was going through. I looked forward to coming to school a lot of
days-because of you. At home and in the neighborhoods, and even when I left your presence
at school, it was really hard for me-the ridicule and laughter and stuff. And I just want
to thank you for being a friend to me. That really meant a lot to me.
I made it through a lot of days thanks to you. I really felt special. Thank you so much.”

She cried her heart out.
When she said that to me-I was speechless and I cried my heart out, too.

She expressed that to me over the recent years. But every time I think about it-I can’t help
but cry. What she revealed to me, is still a shock to me and saddens me. Because I knew none
of those things were going on in her life, or her appearance even being as such. I just wasn’t
looking at that. She could sing and dance. And I liked her-so, that was all I saw and remembered.

(And for the record-this very moment in time-I am very disappointed
in that particular friend right now), but still, as I write this or if I think about it-I cry.
Her candidness and her (true) heart, is something altogether different than my ill feelings for
her (right now). Ill, so much so, that forfeiting our friendship is on heavy rotation in my mind
right now. That’s about how serious it is. But still, that’s still a separate thing to me
(from what she expressed to me a short time ago). I know what she felt was real-despite what we
are going through now. But that’s just me. Regardless of what ill feelings I may have for you,
if you bring me your heart and your truth, I can’t help but respond…and to feel…I’m a master
at deciphering what’s real (where I am concerned)…so I know truth (when it comes TO me).

So, when Royce expressed that same emotion on national television (however, as a grown woman to
another grown woman) about being accepted by her and into a circle as an adult (versus my friend
confessing the same to me-however, about when we were kids) obviously my heart went out to Royce.

I understand that Royce (a former NBA League Dancer/Cheerleader) and Shaunie (a former NBA Player’s wife),
are not, and have never been friends like my friend and me.
Yet, when I saw Shaunie’s response, (knowing-personally-how that felt to have someone
cry in front of you and ingratiate
themselves to you) despite their closeness (or lack thereof), I can’t lie-I thought Shaunie was evil.

Her lukewarm response, with that fake: “Oh don’t make me cry,” reply, made me say aloud:
“Oh you evil bitch. You don’t care.”
I rolled my eyes in my head.
(That was my emotional me, speaking aloud-having had someone pour themselves out to me in
that same way as well).

But then (like I said in the “‘SCOPE’ OF THIS BLOG SITE” section);
when I am watching these reality shows, I’m more interested in the social dynamics behind it all.
Because (with television/entertainment-period) it’s not worth it to you to try and decipher what’s
real or fake (if you have a life of your own to tend to).
Simple as that.
So, my life as a writer/blog post: “Assuming Positions” (by observation of group dynamics of
Basketball Wives…here we go…Emotion aside):

Shaunie: the producer of the show, slash former NBA players wife, slash Queen Bee slash
Captain of the team had a job to do.

Royce: former NBA Dance Team Cheerleader, slash ex-girlfriend and baby mama of an NBA player,
who ingratiated herself to the Queen Bee slash Captain of the team (circle), right in front of
the remaining Bee’s…(who are all wives and ex-fiance’s of NBA Players)…was going to have hell
to pay in order to maintain her position within that social circle (that she was so graciously
accepted into), that, at the end of the day-was only good for social positioning, television
and business.
Not personal, but Royce saw differently.

Any good producer would have allowed Royce in.
That producer just so happened to be Shaunie…

In Season 1, Royce’s acceptance in, put her in a position where unfortunately, she (obviously)
did not understand that within the social circle (team), she was the inferior one and least valued.

She asked in and then ingratiated herself and unlike the other girls (wives and ex’s of the NBA Player’s),
Royce’s association to the NBA (in all of their eyes) is pretty much a “groupie” who most probably
associates with other “groupies.”

It was sad (but very obvious) that Royce going to bat for these girls. Being apart of events,
fights, playing the mediator on in-fighting between other Basketball Wives and girlfriends and
having a big fallout with the most hated Basketball Wife (Gloria-who Shaunie, secretly, hated the
most, as it was alleged that Gloria’s sister slept with her husband Shaq).

During the entire Season 1 and into Season 2, Royce put in so much work, where I could see
(being naïve about the REAL reality of it all) she probably thought that with all the work she
was putting in-she too, was “one of the girls.”

No, that would never happen.

Royce could never be accepted as an “equal” on that team (circle) because of her association
in it all: “groupie”-in all their eyes. That won’t change.
Whereas amongst one another, they were ex’s and wives-they share a kind of kinship-friendship.

I could see how Royce so naively thought all her hard work paying off-even down to taking her
shoes off during Tami’s (an ex-BB wife) and Jennifer’s (a BB wife)’s fight .

Tami even stated: “Nobody CARES what Royce even THINKS!”

Reality check.

You can take off your shoes, slap Vaseline on your face and take off as many earrings as
you wish-to prove your alliance, zeal and dedication.
But even amongst in-fighting of these BB wives, Royce will never earn her keep or place
in a circle as such. But she was too naïve to understand her position because she was too busy
(literally) in the middle of everything trying to solidify her place in it.

But then she got that rude awakening in the worse way.
When she had an event that was important to her and wanted Evelyn, Jennifer an Suzie to attend.


When you ingratiate yourself to the Queen Bee (especially considering Royce’s undervalued position),
never-ever think that anything important to your will be a concern of theirs if the Queen Bee ‘aint coming.
In that social circle, Royce can’t move anything without Shaunie agreeing to move the hive.
Love it or hate it, Shaunie’s the Captain and Queen Bee and the one who Royce ingratiated
herself to-therefore, everything important to Royce has to be important to Shaunie-first.

Royce didn’t understand that.

Bless her heart.

But I couldn’t understand Royce reprimanding Evelyn, Jennifer and Suzie. She was wayyyy
out of line and mistook her position.
Evelyn and Jennifer laughed at her.
Suzie (though “defunct” from the circle), really had no interest or care either.

Royce confronts Suzie

Evelyn and Jennifer by phone to Royce

I felt bad for Royce because it was painfully obvious that she did not understand her position.
Her assumption about it was spiraling out of control.
She was making her rounds chin-checking everybody like she was really “A Basketball Wife” and “one of the girls.”


In (producer)’s eyes…This is television.
Royce was good for business/television.
The help in the fights was good for television too.

No matter what battles Royce fought-they are wives of ball players. And as far as they (will always be concerned)
Royce is the baby mama of a ball player whose way in was by doing a groupie’s job (being on a NBA Dance Team).

But that was the reality of the reality…

Moral of the story.
When it comes down to group dynamics, (something we all find ourselves in at sometime in life,
regardless the level or whatever extreme), it is always important to ask yourself: “Why am I here?”
and “What makes me invaluable or necessary as well?”

It was all no different than, let’s say, Shaq.

His 3-point shots were always suspect, but his position on the team wasn’t “3-Point Shooter.”
His actual position, is what kept him on the team, not so much his contribution to it (3-point shooting).

In Royce’s situation, all that fighting, all that mediating, all that work she put in; she assumed
she was solidifying a “position,” when those things were merely “contributions.”

She never had a “position” within that team (circle).

But let me level the playing field for them all…

The bright side about it (in Royce’s favor), regardless of all this Twitter
fighting back and forth…

…is that at the end of the day, outside of the team (circle),
they are all on the same team, and in the same circle, stuck at hierarchy
#3; all having been brought into hierarchy #4 and #5 by social climb and association as “Wife,”
by their NBA husbands and ex-fiancés (just like Royce by her ex/NBA fiancé/baby-daddy as well).

That’s the “real” reality-in all fairness to all of them. (Well, maybe except for Jennifer
because her dad drove her to middle school in a Porsche!) j/k.


But, all jokes and hurt aside, when it’s all said and done, outside of their little matrix,
no one is any less or greater in relevancy than the next.

Because neither one of them “worked” to reach hierarchy #4 and hierarchy #5- they ALL married,
dated, or baby-mama’d into it JUST the same.
The “work” involved, was merely “earning” the title of “wife” and maintaining that title…

{February 17, 2011}   Competency About Competition.

We all love a friendly [or even a heated and intense] game of competition
where the ball is being: bounced, thrown, caught or hit.

Though competition [is first] for the courts or fields; in the game of life
(when you are alive and living it); you cannot ignore the game of
“survival of the fittest” (a moniker given behind the psychology of it all,
but typically expressed when describing the game of life in the wild-for sure).

Roar, because the ball is in your court now.

Catch this:

When whatever it is that you do, you do it firstly (for you) and it
fulfills you (whether you or not you are paid for it) and that thing is
like second-nature to you; then that thing is a blessing that was gifted
to you-therefore, you have no competition.
What you have is called: CONTENDERS and RUNNER UP’s.

Those contenders are: time and other life demands that compete with you for
your time-pulling for your attention; asking from you-your undivided.
You know-that same reciprocal thing that you in turn ask for: time for yourself,
to practice and hone in on doing whatever it is you were blessed with.

Now beat this:

When and with whom did the Creator have competition with?

Counting down: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Game over. No thing, no one.
High score: Infinite.
Competitor: None.

That said, anything that you are blessed with is a gift from the Creator.
So if the Creator gifted it to you-it is already your “win.”
You have no “competitors,” only contenders of time and the demands of life.
Outside of that, you only have runner ups: those who put themselves into (an imagined)
competition with you because they are the ones scrapping, fighting and ripping at you as
if they haven’t their own blessings.

Foul play.
They have not taken the time to hone in on and discover what (or who) they are.

Scored tied.

Sometimes their blessings can be the same as yours, yet, they’re too busy concerning themselves
with your blessings to discover ways to use and unique their own.

In this lifetime, whether creative or technical, you have to know (and accept) that there is
pretty much nothing “new” under the sun. There are only new ways to do it or present it.
You cannot present a new way to do any thing until you learn to unique your own way of being
and doing a thing.

Game on.
Sometimes in order to do so, selfishness is a prerequisite.

Have you ever been called “selfish?”

I’m not talking about being called selfish with your money or other materialisms.

I’m not even talking about being called selfish because you’re the type who can dominate a
conversation with all things “you” so much so, that by the time the other person speaks,
you’re now out of time to listen.

I’m talking about the kind of selfishness where you have been so enthralled and caught up in
loving, honing in on and working at something so much, that you’ve been called “selfish” a time
or two (because that was your order of importance or priority) over anything else-that’s the kind
of selfish I am talking about.

That kind of “selfishness” is something that is not such much about the working on/at a particular
blessing of talent, or skill; but rather-the repetition and practice of a thing that creates not only
preparation (should opportunity arise), but yields one thing on top of another thing on top of another
thing, where, because of this habit (in its due time) you will have created many things (regardless
if it was through talent and skills or practice and will).
Habitually having done one thing on top of another thing, if a (negative) challenge (or opportunity)
presents itself, you are prepared, packaged and ready to get it crackin.’

The point of that is this.
Be it through the blessing of talent or skill or discipline and will; sometimes being a little bit
“selfish” (by my abovementioned definition) will put you ahead of the game (whatever that game may be).

Because people only feel a sense of competition with you when they are one, or all these things:
a) Feel that you are better than them at a thing
b) Wish that they, too, could do/be that thing
c) They are not prepared (even if they could do the same thing)

Don’t misinterpret what I am saying about preparation, because for some of us, some of our best is bred
as a result of being under time restraints and pressure. So when we are challenged by a “friendly”
game of “competition” (a business deadline or opportunity), the right kind of adrenaline gets to
pumping and that creative juice starts to flow, we can create masterpieces.

But when someone catapults you into an unfriendly game of “competition,” be competent about the
Competent meaning: be realistic about your ability to demonstrate how prepared you are to rise to
the challenge (of your unfriendly competition’s preparedness)-not their talent, not their skills,
not their ability (even if in your eyes-lack thereof, as compared to yours)…

Regardless of a presentable past or reputation to have done or the ability to do a thing, when you
answer and step up to an unfriendly game of competition (at the end of the day), being competent about it,
is what will make you the winner or the loser.

You do not have to answer to negative every challenge you are invited to.
Sometimes our occupations…our surroundings and even the people we think love us are all up in our
ears and ego, sending us spiraling out of control. When we answer to challenge for which we are not
quite prepared for, we look almost like we are hurriedly throwing boxes out of window with the landlord
and bailiff at the door-coming to put us out.

Have you ever been in a rush because you were running late for something very important and while leaving,
you can’t find your keys, your left shoe, your credit card and all things of importance?
All the while, that moment is approaching and you and your things are all over the place.
Eventually you gather them all, hop in the car, step on the gas and go full steam ahead trying to get there.
By the time you pull up to your destination, you’re still huffing and puffing and meanwhile, everybody turns
to look at you like” “what the hell?” (Happened to me-just the other day) LoL. At any rate.

You look out of control to them.
Not so much as “out of control/crazy,” but out of control/unprepared (rather than prepared, relaxed and ready
to get it crackin’)…
Not being prepared does not make you a loser. It simply makes you unprepared to win.
Not being prepared but answering to the prepared, simply makes you look like the loser-even if you know
(and all else know) you are a winner.

The preparation and package is what’s palpable. Not your past, parlance or pandemonium.
Because when all the roaring dies down, the winner of the game is the one who proved themselves most prepared
with the complete and delivered package presented…

Excuse my French and in my Antoine Dodson voice I’ll forewarn: “Hide ya eyes!”

Fuck boxes.
At the end of the day, nobody gives a damn about boxes.
They only hold things that are in preparation for the up and out!

Package, tighten and hold on to your respect for your blessed talent or skills before answering a
challenge unprepared-especially if you want to maintain respect for your talent or skills because as
harsh as it sounds, people love to kick you when you’re down, give audience when you clown or look desperate
for money, attention, relevancy and significance.
They don’t love you.
They make a mockery of your wrong moves (even when they know that your talents or skills outweigh your
wrong moves)…
What went out the window will be all they remember-no matter how much they claim to love you, support
and keep it real with you…

Look at Super Bowl Night, though Christina Aguellera is known for her talent, skill and ability to sing a hole
in a wall if she wanted to, the only thing the world cared about was the fact that she showed up unprepared.
And that’s what they hung onto.
Anything else about her regarding what she could and did do-went straight out the window.

Moral of the story is this.
When you know who you are, and you know what your blessings are-then you stand in the middle of that.
Go back to being a little bit “selfish,” and not only will you come back prepared and ready, but competent in
how to handle your functions with your contenders and runners up.
When you stand “selfishly” in your blessings and who you are, your contenders and runner up’s can never mistake
their positions.

With Love, Angela

{February 15, 2011}   Eat. Pray. Live Life to Be Alive.

Life is really a beautiful thing.

And so are people (and all alive things in it).

Everyday, even on moments in days when I feel not so inspired by life; in a matter of minutes, I find: people, scenery, and various things that bring me right back in it.

Just…little things are life-affirming for me. And I feel grateful, then thankful, then blessed.

Day by day, I learn that one of the main ways to be free in spirit and to truly “live and let live,” is to be at peace with the fact that all things we dislike and disapprove of in others (in some variation or another) we too, have either done or met the very same disapproval in the eyes of another.

It is a repeated cycle of life that we will all continuously do (on both ends), so, about the best that we can [humanly possible] do is, blow it in the wind rather than digest it.

I learned that when you fight against that realization as being a fact of life-it is very hard for you to not only live it-but also hard for you to be alive in it.

Often times, (as it pertains to people, rather than life situations) “it is what it is,” is not only some trite, misused and recycled choice of words for lack of better ones; but it is also relative judgment of another. (Relative interpretation of your personal feelings-rather than their reality).

“It is-whatever,” is letting the alive: live, and in doing so, you too, can ingest, live, and be alive (just like them).

Large or small, in spite of affliction and all; life is good-filled with beautiful people doing and feeling wonderful things.

Thriving and truly living life is the focus and concern on all the things we can love and do (something) about.

There is a whole big something of a world out there to love about, and do about.

Won’t you have some?

{February 10, 2011}   Run to the Light.

…you can really do that when you are fully in control
of your own person.

When you are fully in control of your very own person,
you do not have to spend your precious mind’s time and energy
trying to steer clear of things that are not only
out of control-but also out of yourcontrol as well.

Spending too much time concerning yourself with a thing
will consume you with that very same thing-even when you think
and insist you that you are running opposite and steering clear of it.
Because you think about it too much.
You focus on it more often than you would like to admit to.
You focus on it so much so, that you could not count your mental
consumption of it even if your tried to.

What we focus on-expands, regardless, whatever that focal point is.
Keep focusing on running from a thing only leads you to that thing.

As we spend our minds time and energy being that which we
(think) we run opposite of; we only mirror that thing.
We are full with it rather than constantly proclaiming to run
and steer clear of another thing (that we do not want).

Focusing on that thing you want to run to-lights the way to it.
Focusing on that thing you want to run from lights the way to that thing, as well.

That thing we want to run to, we have to simply be that thing,
do that very same thing and then we will become that thing.

We are what we repeatedly do.

We be.
We do.
We are.
Regardless the surrounding (that is, when we are fully in control of our very own person).
No surrounding.
No person.
No thing is responsible for how you: be, what you do and who you are (if they do not control you).
You and only you are in control of [and therefore are responsible for] your person.

Simple as that.

P.S-Never point, scream about and proclaim to run from/steer clear of a thing simply
because you have not taken your mind’s time or given energy towards focusing
on a thing [that you say] it is you do want…

Take inventory of as well as responsibility for:
-how you truly be
-what you truly do
-what (and how) you really are

When you stand in who you (really) are, you do not have to run from anything…

One to grow on-growing forward.

{February 8, 2011}   Spice of Life.

The irony of Aleichem’s quote:

“Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool,
a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor…”
is that, be you wise, a fool, rich or poor; you have not lived life unless
you: dream, are at times- too leisurely, and laugh or experience tragedy at various times within life.

That is what life is: to it, through it and then out it is what it is to experience and be in it.

Somewhere in between dreams, leisure, comedy and tragedy; we find our balance, receive our lesson
and are therefore happy with life and the uncertainty that it brings-despite how uncomfortable we
think we are with the uncertainty in it.

{February 3, 2011}   Love is a Person Place or Thing

When you love you and see yourself in any person,
place or thing outside of yourself;
you only seek and therefore find love in that person,
place or thing.

A good thing about being a writer is that, a writer is in charge of drawing their own conclusions.

When a writer becomes published, he is then referred to as an “author.”

A man who is alive, is too, an author of his own life-should he chose to write it.

That being said, every moment that you live, live as alive as possible: etch your sketch rather than having your sketch being etched and concluded by others.

Because on a real live “Magic Etch A Sketch Screen,” there are two circular control knobs.
They read: “horizontal dial” and “vertical dial.”
Those dials put, control in the hands of others.
Having only directions of horizontal and vertical as controls, affords others the ability to sketch you in a box (where you will be etched).

The good thing about etching your own sketch (being the author of your own life) is that you are in control of your own direction.
That’s the magic in it.

et cetera